Floaty Hope March 13, 2010
Posted by Kimmothy in Baby-Making, Bloggie Friends.7 comments
Wow. The response from Swistle’s post has been hee-yuge and every new comment and email I get gives me a little more hope. Which in turn gives me inspiration and confidence to think: You know? I think we can actually do this. We’re good people. We’d be good parents. We WANT to be parents, and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. We’ve overcome a lot of obstacles, both together and individually and there’s no reason this one should be any different.
I know this process could end up being a rather long one and I’m okay with that. Because the point is we’d be progressing toward a goal and being proactive about it again, instead of sitting around in a bowl of inertia. Even with the disappointment that went along with the fertility situation, I felt a happy buoyancy the majority of the time, because we were actively working toward the goal. Every doctor’s appointment, every syringeful of medication and pill I took, every time that damn ultrasound wand got stuck up where the sun don’t shine – all of it was worth it. Even now, because the way I see it, that was all part of the journey we’ve chosen to take in order to make a family. For months and months I stopped hoping and imagining this family, but I’m starting to see it again. And man, it’s a beautiful sight.
He and I have been having a lot more conversations about planning for this in terms of reality rather than theory, and that’s been great too. For so long after our final consultation with the fertility doctor, when Brian promised me we wouldn’t give up, we just kind of stopped talking about it. Life went on, as it does, and even though it never left my mind, I wasn’t sure how to proceed. I have to remember that even though he’s always willing to talk about whatever I need to talk about, it’s pretty much always going to be up to me to open the communication lines. I’m cool with that.
I’m so thankful to everybody who’ve opened up to me, a stranger, about something so personal. It’s amazing to me, someone who doesn’t easily trust people in general, that so many people are so good and kind and want to help however they can. This has been a big revelation in so many ways.
I feel invigorated. And ready.
Kindness abounds March 11, 2010
Posted by Kimmothy in Baby-Making, Bloggie Friends.14 comments
I’d like to take this opportunity to say thanks times a million to Swistle for doing this for me. In fact, that’s pretty much all I can think of to say right now, as I’m completely overwhelmed.
So thank you. Again. The fact someone who doesn’t even know me would take time out of her hugely, ridiculously busy schedule for me…well, I just…yeah.
See, I’m not good at this.
I’ll stop now.
Happy Birthday, TB! February 18, 2010
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Uncategorized.2 comments
He’s the kind of guy you want in your corner.
When I first found his blog, I waited weeks before daring to comment, because he is a lot cooler than I am and I was pretty intimidated.
Music? Check. Motorcycles? Check. Good husband and dad? Checkity-check-check.
Over the past year and a half I’ve had the good fortune of getting to know him a little bit through this blog thing we do and it’s been great fun. Always there with a word of support or a line funny enough to make me either snort or spit, many days of mine have been considerably brighter because of him.
For anyone who doubts that there are good guys in the world, I will point them in his direction.
Happy Birthday, TB – I hope it’s a great one!
Money, it’s a Gas January 10, 2010
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Books, Money.6 comments
We’ve spent most of the first days of the new year hunkered down, as it’s been unusually cold and we’re southern wimps. I like it though; we make a big deal of gathering firewood and maintaining a fire as we all Snuggie together on the couch to read/watch TV – it’s like a license to hibernate, this weather. But the fact I’m actually looking forward to going to the inlaws’ today tells me I wouldn’t do well in a real cabin fever-ish situation; most likely I’d go the way of Jack at the Overlook Hotel after a few weeks.
Oh, speaking of Stephen King! I’m knee-deep in his newest 1,074 page opus Under the Dome and loving every minute of it. I was really scared after reading Cell (garbage) the man was hanging it up, but then he bounced back with Lisey’s Story and Duma Key and now this. I truly don’t know what I’ll do when there’s no more new stuff from him. I’ve told Heather that’s what I’m saving the Dark Tower series for, even though I believe her when she says that’s probably not how I want to go out. It’s too depressing to contemplate, as he’s been a such big part of my literary world since the age of twelve, when I snuck Salem’s Lot and ended up sleeping on the couch for a month in order to be near my parents’ bedroom because I knew logically I was too old to be in their bed.
We’re kind of in that post-holiday, post-vacation poorhouse, so to have both the house and my car act up this week was a little frightening. Especially since there is some travel potential in my near future and I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to swing it. Weetabix, one of my first blogging crushes, contacted me the other day to encourage me to attend Weetacon in Green Bay in early March. My happiness was short-lived and stunted by the fact the only thing it hinges on is money. Always money. I haven’t completely discounted it yet, but (insert whiny voice) when is it going to be that I can just say yes to something like that, without immediately doing calculations in my head: “Well, if I do this, don’t pay that, skip groceries for a month…” Stupid.
Because that’s the thing. If money wasn’t an issue I would travel, like a lot. Both to spend more time with the people I love and to go on adventures to new places I’ve never been. I realize that’s not original and a lot of people would do the same thing. Just thought I’d put it out there.
One exciting thing is that on February 1st, I’m eligible for an upgrade on my phone. Oh happy day. I think I’ve pretty much narrowed it down to two, though I’m going into a Sprint dealer sometime soon to actually hold and play with them, to see which one I like better. I made a hasty, stupid decision with this current piece of plastic poop and I’ve had to live with the suck for a year and a half. Never again. Just to make the point even more clear, at some point this week the back of it fell off leaving the battery exposed and making me the proud owner of the most ghetto-fied phone in the world.
So to recap: I think I need a new house, new car, new phone and some travel money. THAT’S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, RIGHT??? Does anyone know of anyplace hiring for part-time night work? I kid, but I’m starting to think that might not be a bad idea, at least for a few months. We’re closer than ever to being okay financially, but the closer we get the more impatient I get. We’ve been in the crapper so long it’s time to do whatever it takes to climb all the way out of it. I want this to be the year.
Getting up off my ass I think would be a good first step.
Sticks, Stones December 29, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie, Bloggie Friends.20 comments
It’s a sad state of affairs that you’re away from the internet for not even three days and you come back to find 800 emails, four of which you actually want to read. And then having one of those be a nasty-gram from some stranger who came across your blog and decided it was his/her Number One goal in life to poop in your Cheerios.
I didn’t have any particular goal in mind when I wrote a little about my history with drug use a few days ago. I was doing what I always do – write whatever happens to be on my mind at that moment, try to remember to read over it to check for spelling or grammar errors and hit Publish. I was away from the computer most of the rest of that day and when I came home I was surprised as hell that a little over six hundred people had read that post. Then I thought, “That is freaking cool!” Then I thought, “Uh-oh.”
Blogging is a weird thing. I, along with many other people, reveal way too much about our personal lives (I realize many others choose not to do that, but I’m trying to make a point here) to a lot of strangers mainly because there’s now a really fun, convenient and attractive way to do so. I always picture a small group of my family, real-life friends and blog friends reading and that’s it. Of course that’s not it at all but I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about it, because then I’d probably stop doing it and I do enjoy it. But really, all it takes is for one demento to make you sit back and go, “Whoa, wait a minute.” I honestly don’t know how some of the famous bloggers deal with so much negative crap on a regular basis. I’m not saying my delicate flower sensibilities can’t take some heckling and I have experienced a negative comment or two before, but this was more anger than I’m used to dealing with:
“Way to go who are you to make light of drug use. In the middle of yet another tragic celebrity death you use it as an opportunity to promote your blog in hopes of hogging some of the attention for yourself and glorifying this. I wish you and people like you would Overdose on something, anything will do. You have no idea what a real drug problem is like anyways, you make me sick. It’s no wonder you can’t get pregnant, you abuse your body and this is what happens.”
Blah, name-calling, vague threatening tone, insults. Whatever. People who say “anyways” don’t deserve a rebuttal.
I realize by giving any attention to fuckery like that is the total thing not to do, but what can I say; I’m stupid sometimes. Stupid, but also wondering how much is too much with regard to sharing information. I’m the one who gave out my email address, but that certainly wasn’t the first time and I doubt it’ll be the last.
I personally am more drawn to blogs that give me little glimpses into the daily life of people I’ll probably never meet, that voyeuristic little thrill. And I feel close enough to a few of the people I’ve met through this that I’ve opened up to them as much as I would any other friend of mine, because I do consider them friends of mine. Is that wrong? It doesn’t feel like it. I like the fact that if I have something going on in my life that requires me to need some cheering up or support, there are actual people out there willing to give it to me. That’s pretty badass when you stop and think about it.
I am a serious oversharer, period. I will keep your secrets, but never my own. Be it bodily functions, skeletons in my cluttered closet, silly random thoughts that cross my mind, whatever. I guess it’s part of what makes me so gosh-darn ME. I don’t see it changing that much either, so hopefully the good will always outweigh the idiocy.
In other news, the vacation is going really well. And really quickly.
I Bet Audrey Hepburn Did July 7, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Celebrities, Products.14 comments
Heather and I have talked quite a bit about labels, label whores and how we each do or do not fit into that category. She knows I’m not very materialistic (by circumstance more than by choice, because let’s be honest), but that there are a few recognizable names and logos out there that do make my heart beat a little faster and make me feel funny in my pants (yes, I went there again, TB). I’m sure it has to be the Jew blood in me. A long time ago I told her my cousin once gave me a fake Tag watch, but he put it inside a Tiffany’s box, because he knows me very well too. And that I have kept that box to this day just so I can take it out and look at it sometimes. The box has long outlasted the watch, sadly.
So it was with glee I opened my Heather package yesterday and found all sorts of goodies that were that unique, funny-in-my-pants color blue. A big bag, a little bag, a silver cleaning cloth and some drool-worthy catalogues. There was an Alice McDermont book in there as well, which she was nice enough to send to me, but I’m sure she knows the Tiffany’s swag made me just as excited. I showed Brian which eternity band I picked out for him to get me for our 10th anniversary in October and he laughed. I’m not sure why. I thought it was a total steal at $2,600.
But really, Brian is also aware of my little Tiffany’s obsession affinity. I know there are many things in our life that is more important/practical than jewelry. But I’ll say this now. If that guy ever hands me something in a little blue box? I’ll be diving into a face-planted faint and then plan on not getting up off my knees for a very, very long time. Hmm, that’s interesting. I wonder how many Tiffany’s-induced blow jobs there have been in the history of the company? That would be amazing to be able to find out.
Which reminds me of something Paris Hilton said the other day that really hurt my feelings. She told Kathy Griffin she never ever “does that” and that her mother told her a long time ago only ugly girls have to get down on their knees and do those things. Bitch, I’ve let you get away with a lot of stupid shit over the years, but I cannot abide you any longer. You just called me and most of my friends ugly! But then again maybe I should wait and take your opinion more seriously when you learn how to get out of a car without flashing your overused, overworked vag to the entire world. Maybe so.
This did not end up at all like I’d planned.
Which is what I’ve also said to myself many times while on my knees.
Later, June – None too Soon June 28, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Holidays, Home Life, Weather, Work, World.11 comments
Can I take a moment here and express how absolutely effing THRILLED I am that the month of June is about to be over? Wooohooo, yeeeahh boyyy, yeee haaawww, rock the casbah!!! Whew! Thank you.
Besides jumping (literally) back on the diet/exercise wagon, I can’t really think of one positive thing that has occured over the last thirty days. I don’t have to reiterate all of the stuff that’s happened in the news. Though most of it doesn’t affect my life directly, I’m still saddened over it. Although maybe the governor situation will end up affecting us somewhere down the line – unfortunately that situation has done nothing to change my opinion that most politicians do not give two shits about the people they purport to serve and protect.
For us, this month has been all about work, work and then some more work, with hardly any downtime at all. This is good in the sense that we can always use extra money, bad in the sense that even the dog is depressed over how little he’s seen Brian lately. If all goes according to plan, they should be finished with the tile job on Tuesday and then he’s done with toiling over extra work for awhile. He’s scheduled to take a test to get his pesticide license at the beginning of August and even though he’s taken a similar test for it in Florida, he’s going to need to spend some time preparing. I think a little mental work done in the air conditioning will be a welcome change for him.
Which brings me to my third and final complaint. I may have mentioned it once or twice or five thousand times before, but this weather sucks hairy testicles. The August temperatures decided to visit us two months early this year and it just makes everything that much more trying. Brian even said he knows he snapped at me the other night only because he was so hot and irritable and that when he told Chris about it, Chris told him he had just snapped at his sweet little mom in a similar fashion. I understand; it’s just misery. I’ve always said this is where I want to live the rest of my life, but somewhere on down the line I could see us moving a little further north. A mere two hours would make a huge difference.
So I’m very excited for July. It’s a four-day work week and a three-day weekend coming up that includes one of my favorite holidays. I’m hoping we’re able to actually do something fun next weekend, even if that is only seeing fireworks. I love me some fireworks.
Before I go, I gotta do some big pimpin’ for my good bloggie friend Crisitunity, who’s facing some big life changes in the upcoming few weeks. She’s handling it by being positive and pro-active and I admire the hell outta her. Stop by her place and show some love, wouldya?
A week of Mondays June 19, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Exercise, Experience, Fam Damily, Home Life, Weather.2 comments
Whew, I don’t mind tellin’ ya – this has been one wild and craaazy week. Let’s see if I can remember what all went down in the last seven days:
– I bought a scale and after stepping on it and seeing the reading, had to spend several hours talking myself down off the ledge.
– Luckily, this was the motivation I’d been so sorely lacking and not only did I jump back on the exercise train, Laura and I started a new bloggie where I get to bitch, moan, complain and hopefully sometimes brag about my new hobby, Operation Fit Into Your Clothes Again Because It’s Not Like You Can Go Buy a Whole New Wardrobe. In less than a week, five more contributors have joined us and it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing I Am Not Alone in this. Journeys are way more fun when traveled together. Either I just made that up or I read it on a fortune cookie once.
– Monday morning I ran out of gas on the way to work with a dead cell phone and was rescued by a very nice man. I didn’t panic until I started telling people the story and seeing the look of fear in their eyes when I got to the part about getting into the nice man’s car.
– George lost twenty-five years’ worth of tools, recreational equipment, furniture, file cabinets, a generator and countless other things in a fire that was caused by lighting hitting his shed (which was the size of a two-story barn). We went over the other night to see the damage and it looked like a war-torn bombing site, with huge piles of black, charred and still-smoking remains. It’ll take weeks to clean up and they’re both understandably shaken up.
– For a couple of days it seemed like we might have to move out of our house, but luckily that problem went away. I don’t think I even realized how stressed that made me until after the crisis had passed. We do NOT need that hell anytime soon.
– Last night a five-minute thunderstorm passed through (yeah, this Florida Summer storm every afternoon shit can go back from whence it came anytime now) and it knocked our power out from 7 until 10pm. Considering last Summer we had that happen seven or eight times, we were very unprepared last night with dead batteries in all the flashlights, a broken Coleman lantern that has yet to be replaced and the scarce amount of what’s left of my candle collection. We ended up getting a long visit from Crazy Old Neighbor Lady and then playing poker on the front porch by the light of a Sun & Sand scented Yankee candle. I will be purchasing replacements for light sources, because I have the feeling this is only the beginning.
It seems like a lot more happened, but maybe not. Either way I’m hap-hap-happy it’s Friday and I hope you are too.
We’re older now & still runnin’ against the wind June 16, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Fam Damily, Friends, Home Life.10 comments
I thought nothing of it throughout the day, but then it sort of hit me on my drive home. While at work today, I talked with Johnann who was at the airport about to fly home from Baltimore to Florida. I chatted online with Grace who lives in my hometown, with Laura in Arizona and Heather in Indiana. I got one text from Elizabeth and another from my friend Chris in Orlando. When I lived here the last time, a mere decade ago, none of that was possible. Yes, I had started playing around on the www and talking to different people from different places, but basically if I wanted to communicate with people far away from me, it was either by letter (and only a couple of my friends were as dutiful a pen pal as I was) or waiting until after 9:00 when the long distance rates went down. I take it for granted a lot, but like that Chinese proverb said, we truly do live in interesting times.
If things keep happening like they’ve been, by the end of this month I’m going to be curled up into the fetal position and mumbling to myself or else running down the street naked and screaming. I know – what else is new.
Amongst other things, last night lightning struck Brian’s parents’ very large shed which sat out in their backyard and burned it flat to the ground. In it was years’ worth of accumulated things, both large and small, that George had collected and was saving for whatever reason. A lot of it was crap. But a lot of it wasn’t. For instance, the kayaks – both melted into lumps of aluminum. And though I don’t know the extent of the damage, all of Brian’s yard equipment: lawn mower, weed eater and leaf blower (which actually belonged to his friend)(and was only three weeks old). The stuff he uses all the time to earn that extra money which has been so helpful lately. That stuff is obviously at our house 99% of the time, but it just so happened he’d dropped it off there the other day and hadn’t gotten the chance to pick it back up yet. Of course. I don’t like to look at the negative, but it really seems like for every gut-wrenching, back-breaking, sweat-filled step forward, we get knocked four steps back. It gets tiring sometimes.
Then this other thing. This was just brought to my attention Sunday night and I have very little fact or detail to share about it because it’s only in the possibility stages. George was contacted by some guy who is interested in buying one of his rental houses. You know which one I’m going to say, right? Do I really have to say it? Oh, okay – THE ONE WE LIVE IN. Ha, what other house out of the eleven he owns would it be? And if he sells it to him? We’d totally understand, as he’s told us all along that this is the only house left in this county he owns because the property taxes are so much higher here than where the rest of them are located, one county over. Had we not wanted to move up here when we did, he’d have sold it long ago. He has in the past given us the option to buy it, but neither one of us want to settle permanently in this particular area of town. Not that it’s a bad area, it’s just not our first choice. We’ve never owned a home before and the first one we do is damn sure going to be exactly or pretty damn close to where I really want to be, which is actually a town about thirty miles from here. We haven’t heard anything further on this, what with the damn shed burning excitement and all, but it’s going to be veddy interesting to see how this all plays out. And by interesting, I mean please shoot me in the head.
It wouldn’t be the end of the world. Hell, we should know by now not to get too comfortable in any place we ever live. Once in Florida we’d been living happily in a house for two and a half years (our record) when the landlady sent us a very official letter stating she’d sold her primary residence and needed to move into the house we were renting from her (it was all nice and legal and spelled out in the lease but who pays attention to that shit?) and we had six weeks to vacate. Have you ever gone house hunting over the Christmas holidays? I have and it’s about as much fun as a punch in the throat. Of course this would be nothing like that. George, being in real estate and also being related to us, would not leave our asses hanging in the wind. It’s just the thought of purging again, erasing all proof of our existence, packing, and moving again that has me a little verklempt. But as with most things, there’s no sense in worrying about it; we’ll just have to wait and see what happens and then deal with it accordingly.
I really want to go on vacation.
My new home June 12, 2009
Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends.2 comments
Okay, so it appears we’re up and running with our new blog, which is vury vury exciting. To me, anyway. If you are currently in the process of an exercise/fitness/diet routine or if you just enjoy reading about women talking about it, please go here and take a look-see: http://nobuttsaboutit.wordpress.com/
Laura came up with the design and of course I love it – I knew she’d be way more adept at it than I would (I mean, have you seen what this blog looks like?) And I have to give full credit to Grace for coming up with what I think is a friggin’ hysterical name for the blog – she seriously missed her calling in life, to be in the world of marketing/advertising.
I’ve always had a lot to say on this subject and I’m really happy to have a shiny new place in which to say it. And to read what others have to say about it. Nothing but good things can come from this. I’ve missed myself for a long time now and I’m going to be really excited to find me again.
Laments & Observations 