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I Bet Audrey Hepburn Did July 7, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Bloggie Friends, Celebrities, Products.


Heather and I have talked quite a bit about labels, label whores and how we each do or do not fit into that category. She knows I’m not very materialistic (by circumstance more than by choice, because let’s be honest), but that there are a few recognizable names and logos out there that do make my heart beat a little faster and make me feel funny in my pants (yes, I went there again, TB). I’m sure it has to be the Jew blood in me. A long time ago I told her my cousin once gave me a fake Tag watch, but he put it inside a Tiffany’s box, because he knows me very well too. And that I have kept that box to this day just so I can take it out and look at it sometimes. The box has long outlasted the watch, sadly.

So it was with glee I opened my Heather package yesterday and found all sorts of goodies that were that unique, funny-in-my-pants color blue. A big bag, a little bag, a silver cleaning cloth and some drool-worthy catalogues. There was an Alice McDermont book in there as well, which she was nice enough to send to me, but I’m sure she knows the Tiffany’s swag made me just as excited. I showed Brian which eternity band I picked out for him to get me for our 10th anniversary in October and he laughed. I’m not sure why. I thought it was a total steal at $2,600.

But really, Brian is also aware of my little Tiffany’s obsession affinity. I know there are many things in our life that is more important/practical than jewelry. But I’ll say this now. If that guy ever hands me something in a little blue box? I’ll be diving into a face-planted faint and then plan on not getting up off my knees for a very, very long time. Hmm, that’s interesting. I wonder how many Tiffany’s-induced blow jobs there have been in the history of the company? That would be amazing to be able to find out.

Which reminds me of something Paris Hilton said the other day that really hurt my feelings. She told Kathy Griffin she never ever “does that” and that her mother told her a long time ago only ugly girls have to get down on their knees and do those things. Bitch, I’ve let you get away with a lot of stupid shit over the years, but I cannot abide you any longer. You just called me and most of my friends ugly! But then again maybe I should wait and take your opinion more seriously when you learn how to get out of a car without flashing your overused, overworked vag to the entire world. Maybe so.

This did not end up at all like I’d planned.

Which is what I’ve also said to myself many times while on my knees.



1. crisitunity - July 7, 2009

This was a really amusing post and I thank you. There is indeed something enchanting about that little blue box.

I’ll bet you ANYTHING that Paris Hilton just gives bad head.

Kimmothy - July 7, 2009

It surprised me when she said that because her mouth just seems to stay open in the classic bj position all the time.

2. Taoist Biker - July 7, 2009

Last two lines? Killer! 😀

Of course Paris never gets on her knees! I’m sure her “friends” make her hang her head upside down off the bed so they don’t have to look at her ugly ass rightside-up.

Kimmothy - July 7, 2009

I never thought of it that way!
Brian thinks she’s lying and that he thought she was caught doing it on her famous “movie,” and now I’m sort of obsessed with finding out.

3. iamheatherjo - July 7, 2009

Well, someone better tell that broad to get down, start sucking and making up for lost time because she IS ugly. Sheesh, that’s why I like my celebrity tramps like Pam. She’s trashy and pretty honest about it, damnit. 😉

I think $2,600 is a steal as well, actually. One of the photos that I took for you was of the bargain case. You know, the under $10,000 jewelry for when you’re slummin’.

I was looking so hard for something I could send to you from that event (that wouldn’t have depleted my bank account) because I really wished you could have been there with us and then on our way out they handed us that blue-bag-o-goodies!

I’m not much of a label whore but I do love jewelry and there were some truly beautiful things there. I bought something from Tiffany ONCE and it wasn’t even for ME!!! On some level that is just wrong, but it’s totally me. 😉

Kimmothy - July 7, 2009

I loved it all!
I once got to peek in the display window at the Tiffany’s in NYC and I think I told you that me and my friend Skye both spotted a diamond and sapphire ring and at the same exact moment said “Just knowing this exists makes me happy to be alive.”
Such is the power of Tiffany’s.

4. huladog - July 7, 2009

I saw the same episode and I thought that line was out of place as well. Maybe that’s why she can’t keep a guy. I mean that’s one of the most popular items on the menu. Whatever. I love Kathy Griffin though.

Tim’s sister gave me a gift from Tiffany’s quite a few years back. I still have the box as well. Who could throw that out? It was a crystal paperweight shaped like the classic Tiffany’s box complete with the bow! I think it was a re-gift, but I don’t care. Tracey would never have loved it like I love it.

Kimmothy - July 8, 2009

I love that Kathy Griffin show!!
I know exactly what that paperweight looks like too!

5. morethananelectrician - July 7, 2009

One of the “lifetime award” gifts I received about a year and a half ago was a gift certificate for Tiffany’s…but they only gave me a list of male things (pens and cuff links) that I could spend it on…I couldn’t even trade it in for a couple of blow jobs.

Kimmothy - July 8, 2009

That doesn’t even make any sense. I hope you at least got a nice pen out of the deal.

6. LL Cool Joe - July 9, 2009

Man I so hate Paris Hilton, which I mentioned more than once on my blog. I hated her even more when she said she was releasing an album in the same style as Kylie’s. Oh please give me a fucking break. She’s a talentless bimbo.

I’ve never been to Tiffany’s. It’s probably a bit upmarket for me.

Kimmothy - July 10, 2009

I barely felt worthy to look in their display window on the streets of Manhattan!

7. Jean - July 10, 2009

Good night! I love your blog!!!!!!!

Kimmothy - July 10, 2009

Thank you!

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