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The Haps February 9, 2011

Posted by Kimmothy in Celebrities, Fam Damily, Home Life, Weather, Whatever.
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I don’t know how it’s possible I’m turning forty-two Sunday. When people say “I don’t feel (insert age),” I totally get that, because I don’t. I still listen to Eminem. I find South Park, Family Guy, the Jackass franchise and farting to be way funnier than any cartoon I’ve ever seen in the New Yorker. I’m going to my tenth Kid Rock concert in a few weeks. I watch Glee. I mean…are these normal enjoyments for someone well into their 40’s? Somehow I didn’t picture this way back when I was still feeling like a teenager in my 30’s. Really the only changes I’ve noticed are that I pay more attention to moisterizers, small print is starting to look swimmy even when I’m wearing my glasses and after a couple of nights of staying up too late, I go on coma-like sleeping benders to recover.

The in-laws are on my last nerve lately. And by in-laws I mean pretty much his entire family. It happens this way sometimes, where because we moved back here (by choice, let’s not forget to rub that in to me when I’m bitching about stuff like this) partially to be close to them, there are periods of time it seems they are all up in our grills (yeah, forty-something white women probably shouldn’t be using that phrase either) and demanding our time and attention. And while I do enjoy them most of the time, especially the ones on his dad’s side who I can comfortably curse in front of, Brian is literally being pulled in two different directions right now as we speak, trying to fit into his work day doing something for his dad while having spent the last three days doing something else for his step-dad. Who called me up Saturday to help him “vacuum” a house that would be better served burned to the ground. I guess I’m not the only one who has trouble telling people no because that doesn’t seem to be in his vocabulary when it comes to his family lately. What happened to the long-haired twenty-three year old Prodigal son I met in a bar? Fifteen years, I guess. And the stupid part is, I love that he cares so much about family so then I feel like a whiny bitch for saying something to him about it. At least I have the birthday excuse to pull this weekend and oh yes, I will utilize it.

I was rushing around Friday, trying to grab a quick bite to eat before the monthly therapy appointment and dropped my phone into a toilet. It was one of those situations that seemed like it was happening in slow motion and my brain was screaming NOOOO. By the end of the day I was the shocked but happy owner of a Droid. By yesterday I was no longer happy, as I have no idea how to use most of the cool features I was once so happy about. When I get a spare hour, I’m heading to Sprint to either get a lesson on usage or to trade the damn thing for something that doesn’t make me feel like a simpleton.

As much as I talk about fall, winter, snow, I want it, I love it, fireplace, blah blah – I think I have a little case of spring fever going on at the moment. We’ve had schizo weather this winter and here lately some cold/gray/wet/bone aching days. Then every so often a sunny high fifties day will pop up and I notice my mood and energy level immediately improves. I give serious credit to the people I know who live in unforgiving climes this time of year (Heather, my NY relatives) for not turning into Jack Nicholson from The Shining. I wouldn’t blame any of them for hacking through a door with an ax, all HERE’S JOHNNY after dealing with the nastiness for months on end. Serious props for that, because I know deep down I need variety in my weather like Charlie Sheen with his porny friends to be truly happy.

I’m getting really close to my goal for the down payment I want to have for a new vehicle. It’s been almost a full year of driving that beast which is really a work truck in the sense it’s Brian’s so it’s always dirty and filled with things needing to be taken to the dump. Whatever I get is going to feel luxurious and like MINE ALL MINE. I’m really looking forward to it. That, and I’m buying myself a bicycle for my birthday. New transportation all over this place! And in keeping it age-appropriate, I have my eyes on a purple Huffy right now, one that will look so cute with a plastic daisy basket and the Justin Bieber license plate I have picked out. Oh, I’m kidding about that last part. It’s obviously an Eminem plate, personalized that reads “The real Kim Shady.” Obviously.


Sights & Smells of the New Year January 5, 2011

Posted by Kimmothy in Whatever.
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One of my therapist’s favorite topics she likes to bring up every so often is “the triggers.” With recovering addicts, just about anything can be a trigger: a smell, a song, in one case bus fumes because the girl used to buy her crack downtown and smell bus fumes while she was doing it. I understand the concept – I’ve had actual physical reactions seeing certain types of drug use in movies and on TV (let’s just say I don’t watch a lot of Intervention) and it’s always scary and weird. But last night I had something like the opposite happen. A good trigger? I don’t know. Either way –

Brian came home feeling festive for whatever reason and had bought a lottery ticket and a Black & Mild cigar. He doesn’t buy either of those two things very often, so I don’t know what was up with him. Anyway, he lit up the cigar while we were out on the porch talking about our days and oh my God that smell. It immediately took me RIGHT BACK to when we quit smoking because I was trying to get pregnant. (He used cigars to help quit cigarettes; not sure how but it seemed to work for him and didn’t bother me, so whatever.) But instantly I had that same feeling of excited anticipation I did for all those months and it didn’t take too long to figure out that the cigar smell equalled the last time I was really happy and looking forward to something. It was really cool. I guess it would be kind of selfish of me to ask him to smoke cigars every night so it smells like happiness though. Cigar-scented incense, perhaps? I’ll have to look into that.

We’ve taken so much foreclosure detrius to the various dumps lately they’re beginning to recognize us on sight and even in one case, whose name I now know is Rick, he helps me haul the heavy crap out of the back of the truck if I’m there alone. I was in that predicament Monday and as soon as he saw me pull up, Rick jumped on his little front-loader and zipped right over to help. We got to talking about how the various metals are pretty valuable these days – I’m glad Rick is up on his economics – and I laughingly told him I was probably going to end up selling my car for whatever metal parts it has (as opposed to the plastic parts, which since it’s a Saturn that means it’s pretty much a riding Tupperware container) as opposed to trying to trade it in. He asked me how much I wanted for it and I froze for a minute thinking, Could I actually be wheeling and dealing something here? I told him five hundred because what the hell, right? He said, Well, I’ll be back here working this weekend and I’ll have cash in hand if you want to bring it over. It obviously hasn’t happened yet, but I’m damn skippy driving or dragging Bessie over to the dump Saturday, along with her title, three ignition keys and a big Whoopety-doo for my potential new hero Rick. Too early to officially be excited, but definitely pre-cited right now.

It was a little surreal returning to work after seventeen consecutive days off. Not all together bad, as I do like being back in a workday routine, but still. That’s our biggest break of the year and it was a little sad yesterday realizing we’re at the absolute furthest point from when it happens again; everyone agreed on that. There is some happiness though and that is my EX-boss, Shorty McAsspain, is no longer in any supervisory role whatsoever, as they hired a new person for our director from outside of our agency. Oh, the revenge is sweet on so many levels. She is so ill-equipped to deal with reality though that even after a demotion, losing out to another candidate to be the boss, having almost all of your job descriptions and duties taken away from you, you still insist on hanging around and riding out your humiliating new identity for as long as possible. I guess when you make over seventy grand a year to walk around and bother people it sort of makes sense. Wouldn’t be me, but then again I’d never know so who can really say. I do know I don’t ever want to be where I’m not wanted, so maybe missing all social cues is a blessing.

And just for fun, here is visual proof of how important a role the flat iron has played in my life:

Before: Jew-fro

After: Fro-be-gone!

And the Season is Only 4 Days Old June 25, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Exercise, Home Life, Weather, Whatever.

It’s 3:00 on a Friday afternoon – would YOU feel like working anymore?

It’s been a really good week here at Hot-fucking Central. No, I won’t dedicate anymore time to bitching about the heat. Except for this: Highs in the 100’s and lows in the Doesn’t-Even-Matter. I’m seeing glimpses of possible relief next week, so let’s just hope for that and move on.

The most exciting thing that happened is that we paid the car off. Until I have that title in my hand it will go on feeling a little surreal, but wow does it feel great too. This was the first step in accomplishing some things and even though it took about a month longer than we’d planned (which is actually ahead of schedule for us), we both are feeling really optimistic about things in general. Optimism usually scares the crap out of me, but I’m trying to enjoy it for once.

I try to keep most of the weight loss talk over on the Butts blog, but I can’t help but say that I’ve settled into a nice little routine again and though the changes are small and slow-going, the fact that there are changes at all is really cool. Brian’s amazed every time I come back beat-red in the face and sweating and I really must say it’s like walking through hot soup, but I can’t deny it feels great too. I can’t imagine how excited I’ll be once the humidity level dips back down below 50%. Oops, weather again.

We have a foreclosure to clean for the first time in a few months and guess who is assigned to cleaning out the toxic wasteland that is the refrigerator. Here’s a question. WHY. I can understand people who are being kicked out of their house not giving a shit about cleaning up after themselves, but the fact that the real estate company thinks keeping these appliances after so much damage has been done to them is a good idea…I just don’t get it. Brian said not to worry – he’d pay me a good twenty-five or thirty bucks to do it. His mouth is still recovering from where I punched it.

I can’t believe it’s already been a year since Michael Jackson peaced out. I actually got choked up listening to a little tribute they did on the radio this morning.

I’ve really been in the mood to go fishing lately. I don’t know; it happens every once in awhile. Unfortunately Brian let me know it’s not a good time, because even the fish in their water are hiding out and not very active right now. Oh my God. I guess I literally cannot talk about anything without it somehow leading back to the weather.

Excuse me while I contact my local TV station and see if they’re in need of any help in the meteorology department. Will work for free as long I’m allowed to constantly talk about weather.

Deep Sleep Thoughts June 7, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Life, Lists, Whatever.

Even though I take a sedative almost every night, with hopes and intentions of getting a good night’s sleep, lately I’ve been waking up anywhere between 2 and 4:00, and usually stay awake for about a half hour (on a good night) or more (bad, bad, bad). I hate just lying there, listening resentfully to Brian snoozing away, so I’ve started leaving the bedroom and doing weird things to try to make constructive use of the time: pee, sit on the front porch and read, walk around watching the dog sniff around, etc.

This happened Saturday night and for some reason in my demented half-conscious state, I made a list on the back of the electric bill envelope. That Xanax is a wily little thing – I had absolutely no recall of doing it until I saw it this morning. I didn’t title it, but it’s safe to say it’s a list of qualities in people I’m envious of. I’m not sure if this is the medication or my deep dark subconscience talking, but either way here it goes, in order and with no editing:

– Mothers (I guess I wanted to get the most obvious out of the way first?)

– People who make a living being creative

– Those with unquestioning religious faith

– Real redheads (ironically I’m currently on a mission trying to get the red dye out of my hair and it’s NOT WORKING)

– Those who are unfailingly kind

– Those who set goals and then actually reach them (ouch)

– Those who leave the world a better place (I’m definitely in the middle of some sort of crisis)

– Those who make a living making people laugh (although I highly enjoy making people laugh even though I don’t get paid for it)

– Those who consistently pay their bills ontime without having to worry if that will leave enough money to eat until next payday

– Tall, thin women (original!)

– Talented cooks who don’t need to follow recipes

– People who do laundry to completion, i.e. taking them from the dryer right when they’ve finished drying and folding and/or hanging up the clothes right away (why, WHY do I find that last step so frigging difficult?)

– Women with shiny hair (hair products have come a long way and have definitely made my hair better, but there’s nothing man-made that can make my hair truly shiny) (I know this, because I’ve tried them all)

– People who have the type of skin that always looks like they just completed some vigorous, healthy outdoor activity (I saw a girl while on a ski trip once who, in the middle of winter, had a healthy tan glow and a cute little pink nose and I’ve never gotten over it) (she also had very shiny hair)

– People with beautiful singing voices

– People unafraid of public speaking

– People unafraid of confrontation and therefore easily stick up for themselves when need be

– Those who have stamps from many different places in a passport

– People for whom vacation means actually going someplace and staying in a hotel or beach house or a mountain cabin or an RV; pretty much anywhere besides with relatives

– The naturally cool ones; true cool cannot be learned

– People my age or older who have both parents still living

– People who have completed a college degree

– Women with the kind of asses rappers sing about

– People who are blissfully ignorant to life’s worries and disappointments, so that they fall quickly into deep sleep and remain asleep all night (timely and appropriate)

I’m a little disappointed at how many items there were that I quickly dashed off right off the top of my head. But maybe though I’ll never be able to achieve things like being tall, there are several things I could still potentially do in order to put a line through some of these. Obviously my brain is trying to urge me toward something like this.

Or else I was just medicated and sleep-writing.

Adventures From the Lower-Middle Class April 24, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Home Life, Nail Biter, Uncategorized, Whatever.

Remember how I joked about the day we got the car paid off would be the same day she would break down or explode or something similar? Well, I was a leetle off-base – we’re still a couple of hundred dollars away from paying her off, but two days ago was the beginning of the end of Bessie’s clutch. Yesterday morning I carefully (and very slowly) coaxed her in to work, because I had some major things going on at the office I couldn’t miss.

My mistake was taking her out at lunch to go to the bank which is only about a mile away from my office but still on campus. It was one of those situations where I had no choice about making a deposit – it was either that or have an automatic payment come out and suffer the overdraft consequences, and seriously? Not much makes me as angry as overdraft charges. I’d prefer to throw thirty dollars on the ground, cover it in something flammable and toss a match to it. I knew – KNEW – it was a bad idea taking Bessie out, but still. Fuck an overdraft fee. A co-worker offered to let me drive her truck but I am an idiot and declined. What would be the adventure in that, right?

So I head out to the bank. If you ever want to simultaneously start sweating profusely and immediately loosen your bowels, drive a broken car around a college campus at lunchtime on a Friday in 85-degrees. The good news is I made it to the bank and the money went in in time. The bad news is the car didn’t make it back to my office. But more good news: when I was stopped at the red light, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go when it turned green and cars were lining up behind me, I went so far past panic, I was back to calm. The light turned and I started waving people around me, saying I’m not sitting here for fun, fucker – GO. Don’t you always talk to people in tense traffic moments?

Yes. Well, they got the message, went around me and I slowly and very carefully let the car start rolling backwards down the hill and then turned into a complete ninja and maneuvered her backwards into a narrow parking lot. I was then able to inch forward into an empty – a byGod miracle – EMPTY metered spot. Another miracle, I had enough change with me to keep the car in the spot for three hours. I walked up the hill back to my office – not too bad of a walk – and sat there for a few minutes in the blessed a/c to think about what my next move should be.

Geico! Somewhere in the dark recesses of my addled brain I thought I remembered our policy covers towing and upon checking online, sure enough! A free hook-up and up to ten miles of towing which is fantastic since our house is seven miles from work. Brian was having a stupidly busy day, so I took the bull by the horns and made the arrangements to have Bessie pulled home and caught a ride with Jim, the nice tow truck guy. He entertained me with stories of when he used to repo cars and we were home in no time. He parked Bessie in the driveway for me, and there she sits for an indeterminable amount of time.

Because did I mention this was the same day we paid a mechanic $495 for replacing the truck’s brakes this past week? Because that happened.

It is to laugh. What else can you do, right?

Indefatigable April 15, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Friends, Life, Whatever.

I hadn’t talked with Grace for well over a month so we were on the phone for well over two hours last night, catching up, gossiping, etc. She said something that made my stomach drop and almost fall out of my butt (which would actually help speed the diet along really well). After this school year is over, there will be three, count them THREE short years until Elizabeth graduates and potentially leaves home. I know “leaving home” can mean many things: living at home while attending community college, going off to a university nearish to home, making it easy to come back whenever she wants her laundry done or to be cooked for, or, OR it could mean her going farther away and maybe never living at home full-time again. I swear, it’s almost hard for me to comprehend it. On several levels. One of which being Grace and I are very close in age, pretty much grew up together, experienced many of the same things, yet here I am thinking about just starting out on the whole kid journey while she’s preparing herself for empty nest syndrome. Blows my mind.

I’m thankful the human lifespan has become longer, because I really am a late bloomer. The things I’m trying to accomplish now, most of my peers (the ones I personally know) checked off their lists ten years ago. Or more. My dad always said I’d probably get my four year degree the same month I received my first social security check, but haha, joke’s on him – social security will be LONG GONE by then!

Okay, enough of that.

Brian was driving home from a job Saturday morning, came in and told me what he just saw: two people in a car, a man and woman driving, and a guy walking on the side of the road. Suddenly and without provocation the people in the car threw a soda can at the guy walking and hit him. There was no way for Brian to stop until he reached the entrance to our neighborhood but then he did and waited for the walking guy. He said he didn’t know what he could do, but he was going to at least offer the guy a ride or something. Anything to make up for the fact that people fucking suck sometimes. The guy never showed up and Brian felt awful.

God, I hated to hear that. We decided that we were going to try to go out of our way to be kinder to people (a challenge for me, I know) and at least maybe that will balance out the bullshit a little more. Maybe? I don’t know. That includes feigning interest when co-worker (A) prattles on and on (and on) about her home life and co-worker (B) comes into my office to show me things like the results of her sunless tanning lotion or her newest color-coordinated QVC outfit, well then so be it. I am willing to sacrafice a little sanity for the betterment of humankind.

Is betterment a word? IT IS NOW!

In other news, at the advanced age of 41, I’ve finally found the perfect nude lipstick color.

Be well. And let me know if there’s anything I can do to improve your day, because I seriously want to do it.

Guess Who’s Back April 10, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Whatever.


I have no idea how long it’s been, nor do I want to find out because then I’d realize just what a slacker I’ve been and who wants to deal with that kind of stress? Not me.
Have I been slacking though? Spending more time in real life than online? Hmm. I don’t know. All I know is I’ve missed writing, I’ve missed reading and I’ve missed everybody a lot, soooo…wait – is anybody out there? Hello?

Okay – blogging about blogging – super lame.

Here’s what I’ve been up to the last few weeks. Possibly also lame.

My friend Brandy, super cool graphic designer who started her own business this year, asked me to write for her for the real estate booklets her company does. How excited was I – very. My first paid writing gig! I wanted to frame my check and put it up on the wall, but duh – it’s money, so I deposited it into my bank account; I mean seriously. I may or may not have taken a picture of the check with my phone in line at the bank right before I put it in though. You know how I roll. But it was exciting! And fairly nerve-wracking, as of course I wanted to do a great job for them because I was so honored they wanted me to do it. A writing gig! Yes, I’m still excited even though the final revision was done a week ago. I can’t wait to see the final product and to start the new one.

Work. It’s been nutty and stupid and crazy. But that’s okay. It means I’m busy doing a job and I had a little revelation, crisis, whatever you want to call it, where I had a really shitty few days and started doubting the security of my job, our department and everything and thought maybe I should update my resume and prepare for the worst. Fatalistic thinking – always a good time. Like flashing back almost three years ago to when we first came back here and the hideous two months of job hunting and temp working before I got hired at the university. Thinking about how our state is I think in the top five highest unemployment places in the country – I think it’s somewhere above twelve percent? Then I spoke to someone there I trust very much, someone who’s been there fourteen years and who has seen many ups and downs and in one afternoon I started feeling better. It still doesn’t hurt to be prepared, but I got rid of that sick worry which was good.

We bought a laptop, which I’m using right now. And what was the most exciting part about that was that it was paid for out of the business account we have, which was a really good feeling. Our side work has been slow but steady and it’s about to pick up again with the warmer weather because obviously that means grass is growing again which will need to be mowed, shrubs need trimming, etc. Even with both of us working full time, the extra money from this has made all the difference. And I’m extremely thankful for it.

In a little over a month I’m flying down to Orlando to spend a few days with Sister, Brother-in-law and niece and good lord am I excited. We have some issues with Mother to take care of, things that should have been done a long time ago, but I’m so glad we’re going to get it done and in the meantime have some quality sister time together. It’s been far too long – October – and I’m dying to see my favorite funny little girl in the world. We’re also planning a trip to Disney which I’ve been really dying to do too.

Even though we got a freakish heat wave that was like a cruel joke from the weather gods who insist on annoying me every so often, we’re now back to beautiful Spring, keep the doors open all day, everything turning green and flowers blooming birds singing weather. The pollen this year has been ridiculous and I’ve tried a whole slew of medicines in desperation of trying to feel like I have a human head again, but apparently a Neti pot is my only hope, obi wan. I haven’t found one yet but I’m not giving up. I found out nose spray is not for me. Ever.

Okay, enough babbling. I’m doing very well and I hope you are too.

Randomonious March 9, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Uncategorized, Whatever.

St. Patrick’s Day is one of those holidays I really like for some reason. I’m not sure why, as I’m not Irish nor do I usually drink regular beer, let alone the green variety. I do wear a lot of green however, and I get aroused for corned beef and cabbage, so maybe I just figured the whole thing out. I’ll be the lone dork at work next Wednesday with green nail polish and a tacky bead necklace. Silly holidays represent!

I recently got my first mp3 player, thanks to Sister and her awesome birthday present prowess. Yes I realize it’s 2010 and they’ve been around for awhile. Sister was actually pretty horrified when she found out I’d never owned one before, thus probably the reasoning for the gift. It’s not that I was morally against them or wasn’t intrigued by the concept, being the music lover I am, but I figured it was one of those unnecessary things I’d be buying just to keep up with the Joneses, electronically speaking. I am a drooling slave to Apple and its brilliant marketing/advertising/packaging ways, but I can’t afford their products. So I figured if I can’t have iPod, I don’t want nobody, baby. But now, oh my hell. I have seen the light and it’s contained in a little earbud that’s been semi-permanently lodged in my ear (except my earholes are either too small or deformed somehow because I’ve never, NEVER found any that fit correctly), blocking out the two co-workers’ incessant chatter. I’ve found out it’s impossible to be annoyed when Nelly is singing Country Grammar to me. Or the Cult singing She Sells Sanctuary. Or the Beastie Boys, or the…yeah. It’s obviously also completely made exercising slightly less like the holocaust, which, duh, BONUS. What a fool I was to go without this for so long and I’ve learned my lesson. Financial situation be damned, I’m buying everything! As soon as it comes out! Kindle, here I come! In six years or thereabouts.

The SIL’s wedding is finally over with, and…wait, that didn’t sound right. It was a perfectly fine wedding with beautiful brisk sunny weather, random uncomfortable family moments for us to make fun of, decent food, an open bar I thought about taking advantage of then didn’t and the coolest wedding exit for a bride and groom ever, a helicopter. What bothered me is where did the helicopter take them to and why didn’t anyone tie tin cans to it and spray “Just married” on the back window. Later at home, I was falling asleep with a book in my lap on the couch, so I got up and mumbled I was going to bed and Brian said, “You were so pretty at the wedding tonight; I was proud to be there with you.” The next morning I asked him if he really said that or if I was dreaming and he got all offended. I just wanted to make sure, you know?

I’ve gotten into watching hair and make-up tutorials on Youtube. Go on, mock me if you must. I have no idea how or why this started, but I’ll take my free entertainment wherever I can get it. Vlogging – it’s the wave of the future! Pretty soon these plain old written blogs are going to go the way of the phonograph and then where will I be? Because you can bet your sweet ass there will never come a day I put myself on video and release it to the Internet at large. Have you heard my speaking voice? Seen how many bad angles of me that can be captured on film? No no – I will never. As a matter of fact, I know of some footage that exists of me from about fifteen years ago when me and my cousin were driving around somewhere and he filmed me driving and singing. SINGING. He likes to remind me of this every so often, just to keep me in check I think. Should that ever get out, why, I’d have to look into a secret relocation program and go underground forever.

I’m more excited about new episodes of shows that are coming back in the next month than I was about the Fall season shows starting. If that’s not upside down and wrong, I don’t know what is.

Sprung March 4, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Whatever.

Holy monkey’s uncle’s balls, it’s been awhile.

And I wouldn’t say anything’s exactly wrong, per se, I just sometimes turn inward and hibernate and marinate in there for awhile without really realizing it right away. Which isn’t how I like it to be, because when I start spending too much time inside my head, well, nothing good really comes of that.

One thing I know is that the season is about to change again and when that happens lately I start to feel panicky somewhat. I feel like another chunk of time has passed where I’ve done nothing substantial or relevant in moving toward any goal. And while I enjoy Spring, I really do – what the hell happened to the last three months? I’ve saved a little money, yes. That’s good. That’s always good. Because of course whatever we pursue as far as child-getting, or house-getting or anything really, well we all know that requires money. It meant a lot of weekends sitting home and reading and sleeping and pondering the meaning of life, but what better season to do that than winter, I guess.

Swistle has been kind enough to offer me much-needed support and advice on the subject of adoption with regard to the many questions I have. And I do have a running list going and it always makes me happy to have a list. Lists feel like progress, even if you haven’t checked anything off of it yet.

And some very good blog friends (although they feel a lot more like REAL friends then people I’ve never met yet so it sounds weird to call them that) have been checking up on me, cheering me up from afar, which still just always amazes me.

Spring is the season of rebirth, right? I’m more than ready to come out of whatever imaginary egg I’ve been semi-hiding in and get some sun.

Last Day of 40 February 12, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Friends, Life, Weather, Whatever.

I don’t know what my deal is, but I haven’t been in writing mode lately. The therapist says that’s a little warning flag. There are things I do that perpetuate healthy living (writing, exercising, eating well) and other things that lead toward a less-positive way of thinking (I won’t get into that here) and it all kind of makes sense.

I have been exercising though, so that’s something.

I think maybe it’s a combo of a couple of things, not all bad. I had a great time with my friend from Florida last weekend, so much so the weekend seemed to pass by in a flash. I doubt I’ll ever have another co-worker with whom I form such a close friendship – that type of luck and timing doesn’t happen very often, but makes me extremely thankful it happened at all. I miss working in the same office as my friend every day, that’s for sure. And it hasn’t diminished over time – if anything it’s gotten stronger. I told her about my two current office neighbors and how I probably judge them unfairly because I’m comparing them to her. And the person who took my place at the old job is a complete asshole, so I feel bad for Annette dealing with that moreso. At least mine are nice people. Considering I used to share an office with a bonafide crazy person every day, I probably shouldn’t bitch at all, but you know, then I wouldn’t be me and shit.

Another thing – it’s my 41st birthday tomorrow. I’m ecstatic about the fact I’m getting my birthday wish for snow – it’s supposed to start this afternoon and there’s actually going to be some accumulation. As only a person who lives in the South can feel, right? Well, I’m that person and YIPPEEE! There’s already a little buzz of excitement around here – Are we going to get out of work early? Of course we are, we always do! It’s fun to watch this town lose its collective mind whenever this happens. But the thought of turning another year older without achieving my dream of becoming a parent has been making me feel Debbie Downer-ish and it’s been on my mind all week. I wish there was a way to banish negative thoughts, especially when they creep in during what should just be a happy time.

I am happy though too, so I’m trying to concentrate on the positive. The man and I have been in one of those lovey-dovey phases lately, so that’s cool. He’s been making me laugh more than usual too, and that’s a regular occurance anyway. I like him. He also keeps me grounded when my neurosis threaten to float me away. And in the cold months he’s a badass snuggle partner too. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to know I shared that. Ruins the street cred.

Other than that, it’s Friday, it’s going to snow and it’s a double holiday this weekend (for me) so I plan to keep on rockin’ in the free world and I hope everyone else does the same.