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In Like a Lion March 10, 2011

Posted by Kimmothy in Celebrities, Fam Damily, Music, Photoblog.
1 comment so far

For a pop culture enthusiast such as myself, all this Charlie Sheen stuff is overwhelming. At some point I’m going to have to just look away, because there aren’t enough hours in my day to get laundry done lately, let alone spend time listening to cocaine-fueled psychosis. The “winning” jokes alone are enough to complete my sensory overload daily.

Just got back from a weekend in Orlando with Sister, brother-in-law and this cute little thing:

Those tiny little arms are edible

She’s about to turn four and that’s just hard for me to believe. As anyone who’s ever been around a kid that age knows, they can be a loud tornado of roiling emotions but I truly enjoyed her. The fact she calls me “Aunt Sistee” doesn’t hurt the cute meter any either, and she wasn’t even shy with me at the beginning of the visit this time. She’s smart like both her parents, stubborn like my sister and has a very funny little personality. The sucky part is how little I get to see her, because the old cliche’ about them growing and changing so fast is definitely true. I just want her to know she has an aunt who may seem far away but who loves her a lot.

Sister and I also did what we like doing together the most and went to see Kid Rock for the billionth time.

Never gets old

I’ve honestly almost lost count, but I’m pretty sure it’s her 9th time seeing him and my 10th. We’re not above feeling a little ridiculous about it sometimes, but apparently it floats our boats so who gives a crap. He just turned 40 himself and he’s the one jumping around on the stage without a shirt on, so there’s no reason for us to feel embarrassed for being fully dressed in the audience. Not to mention we were far from the oldest ones in attendance. /Justification

I always get stressed about traveling and then once I’m back home I feel happy, refreshed and excited about planning my next trip. It’s a vicious cycle, but the good news is there’s always plenty of material for my therapist. Talk about winning – she gets to listen to people like me all day. I’d send her a fruit basket if I wasn’t already helping pay for her Mercedes and recent trip to the tropics.

I finally reached my down payment goal, so I’m hoping to start car shopping this weekend. After a year of sharing the Sanford & Son truck with Pig Pen, it’s going to feel luxurious to be in my own vehicle again. I have in mind what I want, but there are a lot of variables (mainly the mystery that is my credit rating at the moment) so I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much but they kind of are. It’s kind of an exciting purchase in one’s life and I’ve always enjoyed my car time, so I’m psyched about it.

Pysched. Yeah, it’s a definite 80’s word but thanks to Sheen apparently 80’s slang is cool again. Sure.

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Birthday Weekend Stuff February 15, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Fam Damily, Friends, Home Life, Photoblog, The Man, Weather.
6 comments

For me it always ends up that the “big” birthdays – 16, 21, 30 – are usually the only ones noteworthy enough to remember. At 16, my best friend at the time threw me a surprise party, the only one I’ve ever gotten, and I got to debut my neon skinny belts and matching socks to the crowd and got Madonna’s Like a Virgin cassette. At 21, my parents took me and my boyfriend at the time and some friends out for a fancy dinner and my dad bought me my first legal drink, an Alabama Slammer. At 30, my oldest enduring friend threw me an engagement birthday party and many of the people who would travel to our wedding also joined us there and it was crazy fun. Forty was fun last year, but I was also on the high of being in the process of trying to get pregnant and that lent an air of Happy no matter what I was doing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this past birthday nothing really special was going on. Yet I had an amazing weekend anyway. If you know me at all, you pretty much get to hear me bemoan the lack of snow in my life on a regular basis. For once, Mother Nature or Storm Track Doppler Radar answered my prayers and for about 8 hours it dumped over six inches on us Friday afternoon/evening, enough to keep us occupied and in awe for hours. I couldn’t believe how bright and pink everything was close to midnight and walking around the neighborhood it felt like we had been transported to Narnia or some other magical snow place. The dog loved it. We loved it. I photographed it. I want it again.

Our yard has never looked so pretty

Saturday, the anniversary of my actual birth, Brian made me French toast for breakfast, took me to a place called Tokyo Grill for lunch, took me shopping for a replacement bottle of Happy perfume, told me another present is coming in the mail and was supposed to have been here by now but wasn’t and he was mad and we ended the day at Barnes & Noble. So in other words, a perfect day. We normally don’t do much for Valentine’s Day, but he told me my present was a month of tanning, he just doesn’t know the place to get the best deal and knows I do so when I decide to start back, he’ll slip me some cash. Awesome. It’ll be soon, of that I’m certain. Oh honey, skin damage for Valentine’s Day – you shouldn’t have but you know what I like!

Speaking of what I like. My mother is crazy; this has been well-documented. I don’t know if long-term alcohol abuse actually kills brain cells like they say, but she could be Exhibit A in support of that. What she usually does for my birthday is sends me a gift card, most of the time to Walmart – always very useful and I appreciate it. This year for reasons unknown she went for something different. In the package there was a red and white stuffed bear (yay, happy V-day to the dog!), a purple tote bag with a peace sign on it I would’ve loved on my 16th birthday (Her: “I figured since you got to go to Woodstock and I didn’t, what the heck.”) and this:

What the...

What the...

There are so many things wrong here, I was overwhelmed. With glee. Of course Emailing it to Sister was the first order of action. “Atrocity,” is the word she used and I thought that was a good one. Brian, always the one who tries to justify the Crazy, just threw out a cliche’: It’s the thought that counts. Thought? The actual thought process that went into this is the stuff of my nightmares. I think what knocks me out about it more than anything else though is how LITTLE she knows me. My mother, the woman who pushed me out, loved and nurtured me for a long time. Even my MIL, who is about as opposite-world from me as you can be, knows my taste in clothes and decor. I showed it to her yesterday, and ever the polite Southern lady all she could say was, “Oh Kee-yim, that’s not you at all.” No, no it’s not. However, I thanked her profusely like you do and she thinks I loved it so my job here is done. It’s currently in the donation pile, but if you know any 80-year-old ladies who live in South Florida and spend most of their time gardening and riding around in golf carts, let me know and I’ll ship it Express Mail.

And here’s the really funny thing. An amazing lady in the greater Chicago area, one whom I’ve only corresponded with through computer or text and still have yet to set eyes on wrote this for me. So it may be a little tragic my mom has no clue, but knowing there are people, amazing people out there who DO so totally get me, well that is all I or anyone can ever hope to have.

These Are the Days to Remember November 20, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Photoblog.
8 comments

It’s been a slower-than-normal work week, which if this is indicative of next week when half the staff taking is taking leave – I should probably plan to bring a book in every day. Not complaining though. In fact, I’ve been very productive the last couple days and finally uploaded and organized about three months’ worth of pictures, something Heather gently reminds me to do from time to time and like an asshole, I haven’t. I used to be ON THE BALL with pictures; I don’t know what happened.

Either way, here’s a photographic sampling of life here in the fast lane:

During the last part of the summer, we were lucky enough to spend a couple of days doing my favorite thing: being on a boat on a large body of water. Someone once told me it’s because I’m an Aquarius which is a water sign and that seems reasonable enough for me.

Been trying to get to the mountains on or around our anniversary for two years now and it finally happened this year.

Mid-October is a mite chilly in the North Carolina mountains.

A lot of people are saying Brian is starting to resemble Jesse James. I don’t know about that, but this hat is one of the reasons I married him.

The scenery did its job and was appropriately awesome. I’m not sure who that lady is, but she looks relaxed, doesn’t she?

People get creative when spending days on end in the woods.

Then, less than two weeks after the mountain trip, I took off for warmer (MUCH WARMER) climes and headed to Florida to spend Halloween weekend with the fam in Disney.

Sister dressed Little K up really cute, but then didn’t have time to fix her own hair.

Because Becky is my pretend daughter, my family was more than happy to have her there with us for the weekend and it was awesome getting to spend a few uninterrupted days with her. Some asshole once told me I better enjoy it now while the kids still think I’m cool, but I think and hope Becky will always feel that way about me.

November means football, specifically the toughest part of our schedule where we’re lucky if we win any of the last four games of the year. This was at the Florida game, where the weather was gorgeous, the food and company great and the game’s outcome very predictable.

Oh yeah – a couple of trees have fallen down in our yard lately. Looking on the bright side, we now have a really good supply of fire wood at our disposal.

Finally, last night one of my dreams came true when I got to meet Glenn Beck at a book signing he did here at a Books-a-Million store. The line was eight hundred long and he only had an hour before he had to get back on the road to make his next stop in Charleston, but the man was very cheerful, shook both of our hands, looked me directly in the eye, smiled and said hi and we were both so excited that all the pictures we took came out ridiculously blurry.

All in all it’s been a pretty darn good Fall so far.

Kodak moment May 11, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Photoblog, The Man.
7 comments

Keep in mind I got his permission before ever dreaming of putting up a picture like this for all the world to see. Just keep that in mind.

The other day we were going through some old pictures at his parents’ house, something we both enjoy tremendously. I especially have a good time when gems like this turn up:
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I have a few things to say about this. My husband is an attractive person. At least I think so. He’s never had a problem with the ladies and that goes way back, including the time this picture was taken. In fact, this may be PEAK time for him and getting the ladies (I use “ladies” loosely of course). Once the hair grew all the way out, it was amazing. It was what I first noticed about him. It was the reason he never had to put forth much effort with the ladies! But. Had I met him during this time, I don’t think it would’ve ever gone any farther than a glance. I mean, not to be rude, but look at those shorts. The tat. And Sweet Jesus, that hair. After I stopped laughing long enough to breathe, I told him he looked like the kind of person who is required by law to register themselves with the authorities when they move into a new neighborhood. Right? And by the way, it’s not visible, but the other tattoo he had at the time was just two words: “Motley Crue.” I did NOT have permission to share that, but I like living dangerously. In the bottom picture you can’t see it either, because once he came to his senses (and turned 17), he had it covered up with this one that’s visible.

Just to redeem myself (and him), here he is as he appears today:
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Stay tuned for tomorrow when I either have to post a picture of myself from the 80’s or else announce he’s divorcing me.

Photographic evidence February 19, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Photoblog.
9 comments

Okay, I lied. Here are two pictures of me from the party the other night.
I think I shall title them “Doing What She Does Best”.

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I’m a little disturbed by that second one. I never pictured Kristen assisting me in that way before.

I’m done with the internet for today February 15, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Photoblog, Whatever.
10 comments

But before I go and what has caused me to quit, prepare your corneas for permanent searing:
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First Thoughts:
– There’s not enough Vitamin E lotion in the fucking world.

– My vag just shriveled up and died.

– So did my uterus.

– I can never let Brian see this picture.

– Or maybe I should show it to him when I’ve put on some baby weight.

– Bitch must be crazy.

– Bitch IS crazy.

I’m out.

Overshare December 31, 2008

Posted by Kimmothy in Home Life, Jews, Marriage, Photoblog.
8 comments

Remember that old Salt ‘n Pepa song from the 80’s?

Let’s talk about sex, baby (sing it)
Let’s talk about you and me (sing it, sing it)
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about sex (come on)
Let’s talk about sex (do it)
Let’s talk about sex (uh-huh)
Let’s talk about sex

Ah, the songs of my youth. The lyrics were so deep, meaningful and well thought-out, were they not? I personally prefer their hit song “Push It” but for the sake of this post, that wouldn’t have worked. But now I’ll have it in my head the rest of the day. Oh well.

I’ve been hinting around, but not writing too much about the fact we’re trying extremely hard to get me knocked up. It’s something Brian’s already admonished me several times for sharing with too many people, but it’s hard for me not to talk about it when it’s become top priority in my mind, body and soul. We’ve started seeking medical help, so I’m feeling a lot better about our chances. Finally. I certainly won’t be talking about this on my Myspace blog – thems a whole different slew of people who don’t need to be up in mah bidness. But I have to document this one small thing because what’s going on in my house right now is monumental. Epic.

We’re having sex three days in a row, starting yesterday. Maybe that’s not big news to a lot of you hornballs out there, but for us, it is a huge deal. We’ve been together for twelve years, married for almost ten and yeah – this doesn’t happen very much anymore. I don’t think it’s happened since the late 90’s. But after doing some calculations, I realized this is my peak time, my eggs are waiting on the edge of their seat and hey, there are worse ways to spend your time, right?

So just…well if you see me walking funny this week you’ll know why.

It turns out we will actually be going to a little shindig tonight, nothing fancy. The pros: These are fun friends of ours and the last party I went to at their house was a really good time. There will be an abundance of food and drink. It’ll be good to get out of the house.
The cons: They live 45 minutes away. I assume there will be cops out like rabid dogs tonight looking to cuff ’em and stuff ’em, as Roscoe P. Coltrane used to say. I don’t plan on drinking very much; maybe one or two at the beginning of the night, but I’ll make sure I’m prepared to drive home. I just don’t need to end the year with anymore run-ins with the law.

Finally, I would like to share with you a picture my cousin emailed me the other day. It is from the summer of ’89, when I spent three glorious months in the Catskill mountains of upstate New York working and drinking in a bar called The Chalet. One of the best, if not THE best summer of my life. In this picture you will be able to pick me out easily. I’m the one next to my cousin (he’s wearing the hat) with the hair that takes up the majority of the picture. Behold, me as I was twenty years ago:
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Now do you understand why the flatiron changed my life? That, my friends, is a perfect example of the Jewfro.

I hope you all have fun tonight and for all of us to have a motherhumping kick-ass 2009.

Scenes from a southern Christmas December 24, 2008

Posted by Kimmothy in Cooking, Holidays, Home Life, Pets, Photoblog, Shopping, The Man.
4 comments

I haven’t done a photo post in awhile and since I have a ton of stuff to do, what better way to procrastinate than upload a bunch of pictures and write about them? Giddyup!

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That was the moon the other night. If I had a better camera, the picture would show the skeletal branches of the hickory tree in our front yard that the moon was peeking through and the creepy slivery clouds scudding by. It felt cold enough to snow and looked like it should snow, but no.

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Our annual game of Please Wear The Antlers For One Fucking Second So I Can Take A Picture.

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The massive tree in the middle of the Village where we went shopping yesterday. It’s no Rockefeller Center, but it’s not too shabby.

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He looks pissed. He wasn’t. I just asked if he had fun shopping with me yesterday and he said “It was the least pain-in-the-ass and most fun Christmas shopping I’ve ever done.”

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I TOLD you I had a thing for lamp posts! And ones decorated for Christmas? Be still my heart! One day I hope to own my own.

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I’m about to turn all this into a pie. My cousin just freaked out and scolded me for using storebought crusts and I told her to suck it. I’m under enough pressure as it is to make a decent filling – I’m going to attempt my first crust as well? I don’t think so.

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Oral fixation tools for quitting the damn cigarettes. Brian suggested one more oral tool I could use anytime I wanted.

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SOME people ENJOY wearing antlers, you stupid animal!

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This one is similar to the one I used in our Christmas cards this year except a miracle happened and in the good picture, the dog was actually looking at the camera with his head tilted all cute. Which was because of the beeper on the camera’s self timer. Once the excitement of the beeping wore off, the rest of the pictures looked like this.

One last side note: Ten years ago tonight the dude in that picture above asked me to marry him. I said yes. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into that night, but here we are ten years later, still hanging out together and making each other laugh every day. I think it was a good decision.

If I don’t talk with you between now and tomorrow, I hope everybody has an amazing Christmas with tons of love, laughter, food and fun.

Practicing self control with pictures November 2, 2008

Posted by Kimmothy in Fam Damily, Photoblog.
1 comment so far

Though there’s already a 30-picture album I just ordered from Snapfish and tons more pictures headed my way in the next few days from the family, I’ve chosen a select few for blogging purposes. I can hear your sighs of relief from here. I noticed something in looking through them. My family has really cute kids. This works out really well, as I like to keep my blog looking pretty.
Let’s begin. Here we are at the campsite in Fort Wilderness. There were fourteen of us total and four of those people were aged five and under. Which made for some interesting situations with regard to meal planning, travel logistics and the fact that at any given time somebody was cranky and ready for a nap. The kids got tired out too. Ha-ha! Oh yeah – notice the Halloween decorations. Our motorhome and most others were in the Halloween spirit and even the golf carts were decorated. I love spending my favorite holiday there.
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I loved loved loved seeing my baby niece. Of course I’m biased but everybody else agreed she’s the cutest baby in the world. She has the cutest little voice and my sister doesn’t think it’s funny when she says “No, Mommy, no!” but I do. She’s interested in a lot of things and liked me pretty well, but right now Elmo is her everything.
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We took a boat across the lake from the beach at the campground to another resort, Wilderness Lodge where we ate lunch. Here are me and my cousin Matt. I used to hang out with him a lot and we had a lot of fun together. I babysat for him the first summer he was alive and now he’s twenty-two. That would put my age at, hmmm let’s see, add the one, subtract the three, umm…officially old as hell.
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Here’s the lake I was talking about. Scott rented a little speed boat and took everyone for rides, but by the time Matt and I decided to rent our own, we were told we were leaving because the kids needed to eat lunch. We never made it back to the lake after that. My uncle looks mad in this picture, but he actually would rather be nowhere else on earth than in Disney with his family around him. Sister looks pretty happy here and that’s because when Baby is having fun, so is Mommy.
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Here’s Ariel, Minnie Mouse and Captain Jack Sparrow, otherwise known as Drew, Kennedy and Nicholas. Trick-or-treating at the campground proved to be extremely successful in both convenience and the size of their hauls.
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And finally, me and Scott. The subject of many blogs, more like a brother than a cousin, my favorite guy in the world (husband nonwithstanding) since I was four months old. Every family gathering we always manage to steal some time alone to talk, catch up and reminisce. We only managed to get a couple of hours this time, but sitting outside talking until we were hoarse at two in the morning – that’s a big reason I went down there this week. I don’t see him nearly as much as I’d like, but I’ll take what I can get. Like Tina Turner would say, he’s simply the best.
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But of course, we don’t agree on *everything*…
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