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Canned March 19, 2011

Posted by Kimmothy in Experience, Work.
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Something happened today that’s never happened to me before: I got laid off. (I hate that term; let’s just take the niceties away and call it what it actually is – fired. Not to mention “laid off” sounds vaguely sexual, which I can assure anyone who’s wondering; it feels pretty opposite from sexy.)

It’s something I’ve been worried about for a few months with all the talk of massive budget cuts flying around and culminating in a Center-wide email going out on a Friday in February telling all of us we’re definitely facing tough times ahead but “please don’t panic.” In my experience when somebody tells you that, it pretty much means it’s panic time. For a long time I’ve had this vague feeling of dread regarding all of this, which at times veered into outright anxiety, especially every time the news came of another person getting the ax.

I’m not as upset about the actual leaving of this job as I am that it seems like every time things are going well for us, I live in fear of what bad thing must certainly be around the corner. That is some pessimistic shit, but it’s always been the way I think. Now that the other shoe finally has dropped, it almost felt like the weight lifted and all day today the shock was tempered by little sparks of relief. It’s like now that the fear has been realized, I can relax and start using my energies toward moving on and finding the next gig.

Not that job hunting is anywhere near the top of my list of fun things, but I do feel sort of optimistic to see what’s next. There are very few people I’m going to miss from this place and for me that’s really unusual because at most jobs I’ve had in the past, I usually make a couple of close friends. That definitely makes it easier to emotionally detach, since there’s no one I’m really attached to.

Unlike others who they’ve gotten rid of lately, they’re actually giving me two weeks’ notice; with everyone else they let them know on Friday they have no reason to come in the following Monday – shitty. Everyone has left gracefully and I plan to do the same (only because of the great references they’ve promised me, though – believe THAT. Well, and even though I have some great fuck-you scenarios I play out in my mind, acting that way in real life is just not in me.

Brian, the eternal optimist, of course made my day a lot less traumatic as soon as I told him. He reminded me we’re in the best position we’ve ever been in if this had to happen, that I still have steady income coming in from proofreading and then told me he’s actually happy for me to get an opportunity to find a place I really like again. Another reminder he’s a very good balance for my doomtastic ways.

I’m there until April 1st (Happy Fool’s Day to me!), and then I guess we’ll see what happens.

Onward.

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Comments»

1. Swistle - March 19, 2011

They really must trust you to have you around two more weeks! Like you, I can come up with a number of entertaining ideas for those last two weeks—and yet wouldn’t do them. Sadly. Because that would make for some excellent posts.

Kimmothy - March 19, 2011

I think I’ll manage to possibly sneak in some harmless mischief; I think I’ll really regret it if I don’t.

2. Heather - March 19, 2011

Love you, love you, love you. I know you know that. I’ve been through this enough to know that it will all be okay but it might suck just a little until then.

You can use your time off in between looking for jobs to ride your new bike, hit the library to check out every book you want to read and didn’t have time for and much hang out time with Yellow Boo. I hit the gym hard and concentrated on healthy eats because, well, I had nothing else to do. 😀

Oh! And you can email and chat with ME all you’d like.

Good things are coming, Kee-Yim.

Kimmothy - March 19, 2011

Thank you, as always, for making me feel better. You were the third person I told!

3. Tiffany - March 19, 2011

Well CRAP. That just bites donkey balls, dunnit? I’m glad you’re viewing this as a positive opportunity. FANTASTIC things are just around the corner for you, Kim!!! xoxoxo

Kimmothy - March 19, 2011

Thank you; I really hope so!

4. Taoist Biker - March 21, 2011

Fuck, Kim, I’m so sorry! I was in a damned similar position recently – turns out I get to keep my job, but in the MONTH of “WTF am I gonna do?!?” that I had to twiddle my thumbs, I decided I wanted to do something different anyway. Now I just get to keep my job while I look for it.

But I did the same thing you’re doing: I looked at it like, “Well, this is my chance to try something else.” I hope this plays out as a genuine opportunity for you, Kee-yim, and that the next step is the Great Leap Forward!

Best of luck and best wishes for you!


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