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Happy: Not Just a Perfume by Clinique December 22, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Holidays, Home Life, Life, Moods.
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Heather & I were chatting online today as we often do, discussing whatever as we often do. Among sharing the ups and downs related to the holidays, the subject of general happiness came up. We agreed that while sometimes it takes actual (and sometimes even heroic) effort, it *is* in fact within our power to choose to be happy most of the time and though there are always plenty of assholes around every day that may detract from it (especially this time of year for some reason), we both think the choice to be happy is worth the effort.

One of the biggies for me at the end of every year lately, besides the fact another year has seemingly flown by which means I am one year closer to not being able to hide things with make-up, is that we still haven’t figured out a way to become parents. And you know, tick-tock – every year that goes by where that doesn’t happen, the odds of it happening drop dramatically. I didn’t bring it up in my post the other day because there was plenty enough bitching in that post as it was and I do try to keep it to a minimum if possible, if only to prevent myself from cringe-worthy moments later on. But this time of year, which let’s be honest, is certainly aimed at/about/involving kids. So whatever kid thoughts residing in the back of my mind come skipping to front and center and remains lodged like a popcorn kernel in a tooth: annoying, painful and difficult to remove.

But something weird happened today I couldn’t help but notice. I was in the middle of running those endless pre-holiday errands, dealing with the crowds and lines and major traffic fuckery, and one of my favorite songs came on the radio. You know how even though you have a song on cd or mp3 or whatever but you still get excited when it randomly surprises you. As I was pulling out of the CVS parking lot, I actually found myself singing in the truck, one of my favorite pastimes but one I can’t remember the last time I did it.

That simple little act, on a lovely cold cloudy day a few days before Christmas driving around the town I love, was enough to make something click. It wasn’t an earth-shattering epiphany, but I have the feeling it was significant even if that only means that was the moment I snapped out of a funk I was barely aware I was in. The song is beside the point but it’s Wasting My Time by Default if that matters at all. Which it kind of might because the song was out during the worst period of time of my life yet it made me happy even then. Maybe that’s what started it – thinking of how thankful I am it’s not Christmas 2001 when for the first and only time in our fifteen years together, Brian spent the holiday with someone else and I spent the day doing anything I could to avoid being conscious. Yes, that’s one holiday season I can safely say I never get nostalgic for, and man it’s nice nine years have passed since that hideous time.

So, yeah. Whatever the catalyst, I’m happy to be happy right now. There are people who have more than me; people who don’t know what it’s like to have financial worries, women whose lives are complete because they are mothers, ones whose air-dryed, productless hair hangs long and straight and glossy. There are also people – people I personally know even – who are dealing with things like breast cancer and the recent sudden death of a beloved spouse. It’s always been and will always be this way; I’m fully aware of that. Measuring your fortune against those of others isn’t a productive exercise though, and I really try to avoid that – it changes absolutely nothing about my life.

But I want to be happy. And it’s something I actually have some control over and I’m going to do my best to keep on striving to reach for no matter what. Which makes me even happier.

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Comments»

1. Taoist Biker - December 22, 2010

Thanks, Kee-yim. I really needed this today, and you didn’t even know it! 🙂

Kimmothy - December 24, 2010

You’ve done that for me several times; glad I could return the favor!

2. iamheatherjo - December 22, 2010

You’re so well adept at ‘making the best’ of things. Most people don’t seem to realize (or appreciate) how important of a gift this ability truly is. It just sucks that you have to constantly put this skill to work because you really do deserve all the good stuff.

All of it.

I’m happy you get me. That means a LOT.

Kimmothy - December 24, 2010

And you, me! Just knowing I can share my not-so-pleasant side with you without fear of being judged is a luxury I don’t take for granted.

3. Shari - December 23, 2010

Great post, Kim. I’m happy you’re happy. And I love that last book post. I am in awe of the amount of books you have read and inspired to start my own list this year. I think I read 5 books last year!! Shame. Hope your week is Merry and Bright!

Kimmothy - December 24, 2010

You’ve always been one of my biggest inspirations for finding the Happy. Sometimes it takes more effort than others, but it’s always worthwhile!
And I’m not surprised you haven’t read too much; you’re too busy creating awesome art!


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