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Deep Sleep Thoughts June 7, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Life, Lists, Whatever.

Even though I take a sedative almost every night, with hopes and intentions of getting a good night’s sleep, lately I’ve been waking up anywhere between 2 and 4:00, and usually stay awake for about a half hour (on a good night) or more (bad, bad, bad). I hate just lying there, listening resentfully to Brian snoozing away, so I’ve started leaving the bedroom and doing weird things to try to make constructive use of the time: pee, sit on the front porch and read, walk around watching the dog sniff around, etc.

This happened Saturday night and for some reason in my demented half-conscious state, I made a list on the back of the electric bill envelope. That Xanax is a wily little thing – I had absolutely no recall of doing it until I saw it this morning. I didn’t title it, but it’s safe to say it’s a list of qualities in people I’m envious of. I’m not sure if this is the medication or my deep dark subconscience talking, but either way here it goes, in order and with no editing:

– Mothers (I guess I wanted to get the most obvious out of the way first?)

– People who make a living being creative

– Those with unquestioning religious faith

– Real redheads (ironically I’m currently on a mission trying to get the red dye out of my hair and it’s NOT WORKING)

– Those who are unfailingly kind

– Those who set goals and then actually reach them (ouch)

– Those who leave the world a better place (I’m definitely in the middle of some sort of crisis)

– Those who make a living making people laugh (although I highly enjoy making people laugh even though I don’t get paid for it)

– Those who consistently pay their bills ontime without having to worry if that will leave enough money to eat until next payday

– Tall, thin women (original!)

– Talented cooks who don’t need to follow recipes

– People who do laundry to completion, i.e. taking them from the dryer right when they’ve finished drying and folding and/or hanging up the clothes right away (why, WHY do I find that last step so frigging difficult?)

– Women with shiny hair (hair products have come a long way and have definitely made my hair better, but there’s nothing man-made that can make my hair truly shiny) (I know this, because I’ve tried them all)

– People who have the type of skin that always looks like they just completed some vigorous, healthy outdoor activity (I saw a girl while on a ski trip once who, in the middle of winter, had a healthy tan glow and a cute little pink nose and I’ve never gotten over it) (she also had very shiny hair)

– People with beautiful singing voices

– People unafraid of public speaking

– People unafraid of confrontation and therefore easily stick up for themselves when need be

– Those who have stamps from many different places in a passport

– People for whom vacation means actually going someplace and staying in a hotel or beach house or a mountain cabin or an RV; pretty much anywhere besides with relatives

– The naturally cool ones; true cool cannot be learned

– People my age or older who have both parents still living

– People who have completed a college degree

– Women with the kind of asses rappers sing about

– People who are blissfully ignorant to life’s worries and disappointments, so that they fall quickly into deep sleep and remain asleep all night (timely and appropriate)

I’m a little disappointed at how many items there were that I quickly dashed off right off the top of my head. But maybe though I’ll never be able to achieve things like being tall, there are several things I could still potentially do in order to put a line through some of these. Obviously my brain is trying to urge me toward something like this.

Or else I was just medicated and sleep-writing.



1. crisitunity - June 7, 2010

It interests me that I have a few of the characteristics on this list (college degree, passport stamps), and yet I’m so envious of YOU in so many little ways.

I totally fail at this laundry thing, too. In the past month, I’ve left the laundry sitting in the dryer for OVER A WEEK. I used to actually enjoy laundry (more than the dishes, anyway) and have no idea what happened.

And you’re the second woman on the internet I know and respect who wishes to be tall. I do not understand this. I like being 5’3″. I’m far more comfortable on planes and I can cuddle inside BF’s chest. Why is being tall something to be desired? I’m not trying to be a smartass, I’m actually asking out of curiosity.

Also, if you haven’t already, maybe think about a supplement rather than a sedative to knock you out? If you’ve tried melatonin and valerian and they don’t work for you, my bad, but with either of those you probably won’t have blackouts in the middle of the night. Last night it’s a list. Tomorrow night you could smother your husband. It’s totally likely.

Kimmothy - June 8, 2010

Ha; I’ve tried both of those supplements and they both used to work wonderfully for me – those were the good old days. I’m hoping getting back to the exercising helps in the sleep department though; it almost always does.
Being short makes me feel immature for some reason, or someone who can’t be taken seriously, and believe it or not, more socially awkward than I normally feel. Plus it really sucks at concerts.

crisitunity - June 8, 2010

Yeah, the concert thing, didn’t think of that.

+8 to WhiskeyMarie’s comment below, though, she’s completely right, you kick ass.

2. Whiskeymarie - June 8, 2010

I started working out (again) on a regular basis, and I swear that I’m nodding off at 9:30-10:00 every night (OK, so I have a glass of wine too). I have the “wake up several times a night” problem too, usually, so this has been fab for both my psyche and my booty.

I’ve got a few of the list items, but I’m pretty sure I could cancel them out with some wishes of my own. I’m tall-ish (5’8″), but there have been plenty of times that I wished I was tiny so that I didn’t tower over pretty much everyone while wearing heels. And I only get shiny hair through a combination of Aveda and Moroccan oil. I leave stuff in the dryer often for a week or more (and sometimes in the washer for a few days, forcing me to run them through again). I wish I could stick with things for any length of time (college, working out regularly, eating healthy, etc…).

Let’s make a deal and stop wishing for what we don’t have, OK? Instead, we’ll be grateful for what we do, and we’ll make solid plans to achieve attainable goals in a realistic timeline. I’ve kind of been doing that with my year of “I should do that”- feel free to steal the idea and run with it- it is amazingly satisfying to start ticking stuff off my “lists”. You’re awesome and totally capable of doing some of this stuff (well, maybe not the tall thing- just use that as an excuse to buy more heels on sale). You/we can do it!

Kimmothy - June 8, 2010

Okay, but I still wish I was you.
But that’s never going to change.

3. Taoist Biker - June 8, 2010

I could get on board with a whole lot of that list, too. Seriously, I think your subconscious basically wrote you a long-term Honey-Do list. Some of them are out of reach (unless you’re fond of The Rack, and I ain’t talkin’ ’bout no boobs), but not all of ’em. Whiskeymarie’s got the right idea. Start with the small changes, let them build into small successes, and let that start to snowball – that’s the smart way to go.

Except me, I’m buying a lottery ticket for tomorrow’s drawing and I’m gonna go ahead and buy the Ferrari today. But nobody’s perfect.

(You reminded me – I left that last load in the dryer last night. Fuck.)

Kimmothy - June 8, 2010

You know, money really would either solve or make me not care about a lot of the items on the list.
My motto about the lottery – I’ve spent money on way less productive things, so what the hell! Except I can never remember when the deadlines are, so even that financial plan never works out, ha!

4. Heather - June 8, 2010

Okay, now where was that list of stuff you like about you? If you need any ideas for it, I have a whole big list titled Things I Admire About Kim if you would like to use it for reference.

No, really, I do.

I’ll admit, I do like being tall. I always have. But, you just gotta know that all the nice, tall guys…love the short girls. 😉

Kimmothy - June 8, 2010

I knew you were tall somehow before I even knew!!

5. morethananelectrician - June 9, 2010

I take a shot of Wild Turkey if I can’t sleep…then there are NO LISTS, and there is excessive drooling after about three shots.

I share your envy of “tall” but I make up for it with a rockin’ ass!!!!!

Public speaking is easier when you practice it around people you don’t know…I learned that one quickly.

Kimmothy - June 11, 2010

I would never waste calories on liquor right before bed, silly – that’s why pills are so useful!
I’m working on the ass part now.
I admire very much your plunge into not only public speaking, but choosing the hardest type possible – and succeeding!

6. LL Cool Joe - June 14, 2010

“Women with the kind of asses rappers sing about” – that cracked me up!

Nice to see you still rant with such class!

Kimmothy - June 15, 2010

Why, thank you!

7. Shari Sherman - June 15, 2010

This is so funny that I’m reading this today, which is not the day that you wrote it…because this morning I came across a snippet of paper with a quote that I wrote down from Dr Wayne Dyer about waking up in the middle of the night….

“The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You are being called to something.”

Did you get chills, cuz I just got chills. When you figure out the laundry thing, let me know, I just had to re-wash a load today. Maybe that’s what the morning breeze was trying to tell me!! Get up and change the laundry, beeatch.

Kimmothy - June 15, 2010


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