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Sunday Babble January 24, 2010

Posted by Kimmothy in Books, Fam Damily, Home Life, World.

I’m scared to talk about any of this, since the last time I went public with it I of course sabotaged myself and fell so far off the wagon, I landed in a pile of dust never to be seen again. But screw it: I’m back on the weightloss train. Taking small steps at first, of course, but slowly coming back. For a week I’ve had nothing to drink except coffee and water and if you know me and my deep love of soda you know that’s a biggie. Also cut out most sweets which is another big weakness. We’ll see what happens, but I already feel the difference adequate water consumption makes and it’s all good.

We went to the book sale yesterday and this was what we brought home:

Brian knew about my shopping ban, but he also knew how cruel it would be to let me go without any new books while he loaded up, so he paid for the six I picked out. These sales only happen four times a year and we usually only make two of those, so it was a fun time. We always have fun on book dates. After them, I always feel happy I married someone who loves reading as much as I do, and who understands the love of holding a book in your hands. It always kills me when someone says, (Like one of his cousins did yesterday) “Ha, I HATE to read; I don’t know how you do it!” like they’re all proud of themselves and I’m the dumbass. Okay, buddy – good on you.

The Haiti stuff is killing me and I only allow myself a few minutes a day to watch/read about it. I caught a news story the other night about how a bunch of babies who were up for adoption were brought over here and united with their adoptive parents in a day. And while that made me very happy, it’s also a little disappointing that all the red tape that usually goes along with adoption was so easily skirted. Sooo…why the red tape at all? Another thing upsetting me: I’m wondering how much easier it would be for people like us, or let’s just say US, to adopt now that this situation is here. There are plenty of baby-less parents and now a lot of parent-less babies…but I can tell you that would never happen, and it’s for a shitty reason. Any potential child we’d adopt would most likely be white. Fuck, I hate even writing that. This is not because of me, or even necessarily because of Brian, but because of his family. You’re thinking, Uh, what does his family have to do with what you do? Unfortunately, a lot.

When we moved back here, we knew his parents would be more involved in our lives than ever before. Hell, we moved into one of their houses. And though they’ve (hardly) ever pulled that card, it has come into play at times. Nothing is free; everything has a price. You can judge, that’s okay – it’s just the way it is. I don’t love his parents any less for it; it’s just the way they are and I accept that. For the most part. They were also responsible for most of the cost of the whole fertility experiment last year; they’re very generous with us. But with something like this…it’s just frustrating.

My desire to be a parent hasn’t lessened at all…it’s just been tabled for the time being. And I hate, HATE feeling like it’s out of my control. I don’t accept that. So in the next few days I’m having another talk with an adoption specialist and I plan to gather some information. A little information never hurts.

If there’s a way out there for me to make my family complete, I’m going to  find it.



1. iamheatherjo - January 24, 2010

I’m not good at choosing my words carefully most of the time so I just keep my trap shut. I will say that I’m happy in so many ways that what anyone else thinks is not a big factor in my life decisions…especially the big stuff. I can’t imagine what a pain in the ass (and heart in your case) that is and I don’t envy your position at all.

Kimmothy - January 25, 2010

I just appreciate your friendship and support, but you already knew that.

2. Shari Sherman - January 25, 2010

South Carolina is definitely not one of the states that takes kindly to mixin’ the races. And speaking as someone who is interracial and living and growing up in the South, its not exactly an easy life even if you have all the love and support in the world, let alone if you don’t. My life wasn’t hard by most means, but I could blend. I could be a chameleon when I needed, but that didn’t help the fact that I still heard the racist comments, that I saw the racist, sideways glances when my mom and dad were seen together. It hurts a child’s heart and it sucks. Life isn’t a TV miniseries where it all works and the town lovingly accepts the colored child after 6 hours. Sometimes people get dragged through the street and hung from trees. Still. Today. And that is reality. You have to do what feels right for you. Explore your options. If adoption is the road you choose, then the baby that was meant for you will be the one that comes into your life. Sorry to be so heavy…on a lighter note, I’m on the weight loss wagon again too. I’m starting the adequate hydration today. And you know I lurve books too and what a happy sight that photo is, a big stack o books! I’m reading The Help right now.

Kimmothy - January 25, 2010

Shari, thanks for your words. You know both me and Brian and know where I’m coming from when it comes to this. It was difficult enough to have a drama-free wedding, what with me being Jewish and all. His parents’ ignorance is something that normally doesn’t affect me, but I’m feeling it big-time with this issue. I’ve told Brian before it’s a good thing he didn’t take ALL his parents’ beliefs, or he wouldn’t have me as his wife. And that would just be a tragedy!
I’m in the 700’s of the gigantic Stephen King book and loving it!

Kimmothy - January 25, 2010

I forgot to add – I have an aunt and uncle in NY who adopted a baby in 1980-ish who is black. My cousin David. And as far as I know he grew up happy and for the most part, unbothered with race issues, the fact his parents are white. I’m firmly convinced geography does have a lot to do with it.

3. morethananelectrician - January 25, 2010

Life is so much about decisions and comprimises. It is a delicate balance and it is never the same set of circumstnaces for everyone. Heck. It changes everyday.

Support is all I can offer you…and even that from a distance. I hope you find a way to make comfortable decisions out of an uncomfortable situation. Just keep your head on straight. 🙂

Kimmothy - January 26, 2010

I appreciate any and all support, so thank you!

4. Shari Sherman - January 26, 2010

Hey Keeyim,
I totally think that geography plays a big part in racism and we’re even considered a little more “progressive” down here in Florida. As far as your in-laws, people can change, some just in little doses, and sometimes it takes generations, and sometimes overnight. I’m sure George and Iris wouldn’t trade you for the world (even if you are Jewish), as I’m sure Tim’s parents wouldn’t trade me (even if I am a Shiksa!) Here’s to the Melting Pot! God-a-love-it! And PS: That Stephen King book is EPIC. I don’t mean that in the I’ve read it way, I mean that in the HUGE way. I don’t think I’ve read a book over 375 pages…whatever the longest HP book was.

Kimmothy - January 28, 2010

I think just holding the book is helping with my weight training this week. I’m almost done now, only about 150 pages to go…and I don’t want it to end!
Thanks for your wise words, as always.

5. LL Cool Joe - February 5, 2010

Never give up on your dream to have a baby Kim. See as many people as you can about adoption. Make as much noise as possible. Social workers will always try and place a white baby with a white family and a black baby with a black even though they say the opposite.

I’m just grateful we were able to adopt at all. It’s a hard process here in the UK and it takes a loooong time, so the sooner you get the ball rolling the better. You spend a great deal of time on a list waiting.

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