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Hope Floats & So Do Bubbles December 8, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Baby-Making, Holidays, Work.
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One of my co-workers just came into my office and shut the door behind her. She said, “Kim, I wanted to tell you before Janet makes the announcement, but I’ve found another job.” I was a little weirded out for a minute with a thousand different emotions (really, a thousand? Okay, maybe three or four). Deborah is a nice lady with whom I’ve enjoyed a friendly acquaintance for a couple of years and I know she’s been miserable here, so even though I’ll miss her presence, I’m more happy for her than anything else. She’s been here six years and she’s burnt – totally understandable.

I’m pretty happy here, which is why the slight jealousy I felt confused me for a minute. I don’t want a new job; I specifically applied here when we moved back and it took two agonizing months to land this position. Even with the minor annoyances I sometimes experience – because hey, it is a job and not sitting home reading all day and eating magical cookies that make you lose weight all day – so these things are to be expected and I have no real complaints. She’s moving to a different department within the university and though I’ve thought of doing that very same thing, it’s mainly only when my boss pisses me off. I liked a lot of things about my last office here, but kick-ass parking and an office with a door were not included like they are now.  

But I think I know what my deal was just now anyway. She’s getting to experience change. Growth. That exciting feeling of hope and potential when something big and new is on the horizon like that. She was practically giddy with it, as she should be. But that feeling is what I’m envying right now. Like, hard.

It was a year ago this week George came to us with the offer of helping finance the fertility treatment. I remember vividly how I was literally scared of how happy I was. Having the knowledge, like a little secret bubble of happiness inside me at all times, there was actually a real shot of having my biggest dream realized changed everything. Add Christmastime to that and you had one happy-ass girl over here.  

Like a lot of people, I’ve always loved this time of year, pretty much no matter what’s going on in my life at the time (barring that one year). And I have been enjoying all the holiday stuff so far this year. But the other night I looked in my date book to see what the number of hair dye I use and I saw where I’d written on the date and time of that first doctor’s appointment and it felt like a punch in the gut.

I don’t know. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I’ve been feeling pretty good in general lately.

I just want the happy-bubble back.

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Comments»

1. morethananelectrician - December 8, 2009

Experience that “change” is something I am looking forward too once I shake my old job around the first of the year and make a permanent switch. It is exciting. I see the same thing you are feeling the eyes of the other people in the office.

Try wearing fancy underwear at work…or none. Maybe it’ll make you bubbly.

But hey…you just got used to having a door. What has that been…about six months?

Kimmothy - December 9, 2009

It’s been almost a year that I’ve had a door and I’m STILL excited about that!

2. iamheatherjo - December 8, 2009

Okay, then let us find something to get excited about…hmm…something like a visit or a long weekend. You know, something like that. 😉

Kimmothy - December 9, 2009

That is certainly something to be excited about.

3. Swistle - December 9, 2009

Ack. Yes, I see.

Kimmothy - December 9, 2009

I know you do and I appreciate it very much.


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