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Overshare October 20, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Experience, Life, Lists, Youth.
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We had a super-fun weekend and hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to do a picture post. My camera was being a crackhead today and decided to upload 267 pictures, most of which I thought I’d deleted off of the camera a long time ago. Silly me – hitting the “delete” icon that looks like a trashcan, answering that yes I really do want to delete the picture and watching it disappear apparently isn’t enough to really make the picture go away. Must figure out this problem somehow or else maybe throw the camera into the nearest brick wall and watch it smash into many small pieces, something I fantasized about doing this afternoon during the upload debacle. I mean, if you can’t immediately post your vacation pictures on Facebook, what good is it to actually go on vacation? It’s like it doesn’t even count or something.

Aside: While walking around the festival Saturday, I overheard a dad say to his daughter, “See, this is better than Facebook, isn’t it?” I didn’t hear her answer but it made me laugh. In my opinion real life is still better than a social networking site but maybe it wouldn’t be if I was fourteen. 

I was talking to a friend today and the subject turned to sex as it oft does amongst women. (I have a theory that we female folk discuss it more than men do and in a way more raunchy manner most of the time, but maybe that’s just been my experience.) Anyhoo, we were talking about the old days, back long before we were married, when sex seemed like an all-consuming activity. I mean, the amount of energy we used to put into thinking and planning and talking about it, let alone doing it, is staggering to me now.

I’m now going to share some of the fascinating details of my sexual career – you’re welcome.

– I was ten days into being sixteen the first time I did it. Weirdly, that is the exact same age, to the day, how old a good friend of mine was too for her first time.

– I’ve been impaled by fourteen penises (penii?) in total (not all at once). That never sounded like a lot to me until just now.

– Not only do I know all the last names of the guys I’ve been intimate with, I know most of their middle names too. And knew them before Facebook and Myspace were around.

– I’ve done it with a few boys who were only one-time deals, but never had a one-night stand in the sense where I met the dude that night and we boinked, never to speak again. In fact, I’m still on friendly terms with roughly half my list. And yes, that is thanks to the internet.

– I think a lot of this has to do with the fact I grew up in a very small town. A small, uneventful, incestuous town.

– Most of my non-monogamus action happened between the ages of 19 and 21.

– I once was forced to crawl out of the bedroom window of a double-wide trailer after doing it with a guy a friend of mine liked. I was quickly caught, since I really had no plan figured out beyond that and had to turn right around and enter the place through the front door, thus letting her know we’d both spent the night there. That kind of sucked.

– I once hooked up with this HOT-ass dude, a blonde, blue-eyed player way out of my league. It was the most boring sex I’ve ever had (and I was only nineteen or twenty at the time but even back then I knew it sucked) and when my friend knocked on the door to tell me she had to go home, I made him stop in the middle of it. He was pissed, but luckily not an asshole about it like he sort of had the right to be.

– I’ve only done it with one Jew. We ate bagels and cream cheese afterwards and I’m not even making that up.

– I’ve never done anything with a girl besides kiss. It was midnight on New Year’s Eve, we were at a hotel room party and her boyfriend was drunk and being a dick and wouldn’t kiss her when the clock struck twelve. So I did. Her name was Kate.

– I’ve had sex in Florida, Alabama, New York, Virginia, and both Carolinas.

Sooooo…what’s new with you?

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Comments»

1. Dirt Roads - October 20, 2009

3rd funniest thing i have seen all day — We ate bagels and cream cheese afterwards and I’m not even making that up.
HA and today was one for the books on funny so congrats u made top 5. Thanks for all the info

Kim - October 20, 2009

It gives me great satisfaction when I make someone who’s hard to make laugh, laugh.

2. Swistle - October 20, 2009

I’m remembering a year in college when my roommate and I were both trying to decide if we should sleep with our boyfriends, and OMG I THINK IT WAS ALL WE TALKED ABOUT ALL THE TIME.

Kimmothy - October 20, 2009

It was a lot more interesting back then for some reason.

3. Taoist Biker - October 20, 2009

You know, Dys keeps telling me that sex isn’t an all-consuming activity like it was when we were 22, but I just assumed she was crazy. Now you’re agreeing with her…

Clearly, the only rational explanation is that you’re BOTH nuckin’ futs.

My first time, I was three months past my 21st birthday and I’d been dating the girl for a few days shy of four years.

I married my second partner.

*counts on his fingers* I’ve had sex in more states than you, though.

I am a STUD.

😀

Kimmothy - October 20, 2009

You are an even higher caliber of man than I’d even previously thought, and that was pretty high.

Taoist Biker - October 20, 2009

You’re assuming that my abstention was by choice?

Aaaand…I can’t resist.

“Actually, my caliber isn’t all that impressive…but my muzzle velocity is.”

4. morethananelectrician - October 20, 2009

Whoa! That was a bomb (or fourteen of them) to drop this early in the morning.

I am such a stud that I have had sex in three different countries…

The bagels and cream cheese thing is too funny…nothing funnier than the truth.

Kimmothy - October 20, 2009

I forgot about once in the Bahamas. But still, you clearly have me beat in the international arena.

5. Heather - October 20, 2009

It’s not an all-consuming activity anymore?

Hmm…

Good to know…I guess. 😉

Kimmothy - October 20, 2009

Married ten years.
No.
🙂

6. Heather - October 20, 2009

Confirmed!

Never. Getting. Married.

Kimmothy - October 20, 2009

Today I wouldn’t recommend it. Ask me again some other day and I’m sure I’d change my mind.
Assholes.

7. Jon - October 23, 2009

Wow, “impaled”?? I suddenly feel very inadequate about myself…

Kimmothy - October 23, 2009

That might be a strong word…

8. LL Cool Joe - October 26, 2009

Wow I’m glad I didn’t miss this post! Sorry I haven’t been here so much Kim, I always enjoy reading your blog, but my damn computer doesn’t!


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