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All the Small Things August 13, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Baptists, Fam Damily, Friends, Home Life, Whatever.

Contrary to what’s surely popular belief because I talk about them so damn much, I can’t stand the phrase “blow job.” I’m guessing it comes from the fact I was a very literal child and heard the phrase long before I ever learned what it REALLY meant (and oh the horror that day) and then asked what has to be the eternal question: Why is it called “blow” if what you’re doing is the opposite of blowing? I mean, “suck job” is no less offensive to me, but at least it would be literally correct! Damn, does that piss me off! All that to say I’ve decided I heretoforth (what? I don’t know) will only refer to the act as either a “b-job” or “blow-j.” I don’t know about you, but I’m sure going to sleep better tonight.

Every year around this time (right before classes start) the local alternative paper prints the “City Guide” issue to help initiate the thousands of newcomers to our fair city and its surrounding areas. Can I just tell you how much I love this damn thing? While it’s true I’m already aware of most of what they write about, but it’s still a nice way to refresh myself (plus there’s always tons of lists). After all, knowing next month brings such awesomeness as Irmo’s Okra Strut and Gaston’s Collard Festival is important information to have. And that’s not even saying how much the Boo at the Zoo in October means to me, which is a lot. I’ve never made it a secret how much I love this friggin’ town, but especially during this time of year. Not even counting the upcoming weather, which you know I’m doing anyway, it seems like this place becomes a lot more alive and kicking and it’s all tied into the academic year which I love. I’m even debating again about taking a class – don’t hold me to it, but I am debating.

Haven’t yet talked to Brian about the LEAFestival, but we’re going sailing with Delorme and his girlfriend Sunday so I’ll have to do it before then, because at that point Delorme is going to take over with extolling the wonderousness of it all and I know the only way that’s going to be effective is if I’ve primed Brian first. He really likes Delorme, but sometimes also kind of laughs at some of the things D is enthusiastic about and we don’t want that. Unless he’s laughing in the “we’re going to have so much fun!” way. Then I’m all for it. Even after thinking it over for the last twenty-four hours, I’m surprised at how much I still really want to go. Want. To. Go. BADLY. So, we’ll see. Soon.

I’m really happy the sail boat trip is planned for Sunday though. It’s been awhile since we’ve (especially Brian) has had a break from the Sunday-At-The-Parents routine and last week the whole thing got on my last nerve. Mostly because their house is kept at the highest possible temperature one is able to bear before spontaneous combustion occurs, but also because every week it’s the same thing. If we’re not there by 12:01 p.m., she’s blowing up both of our phones. Then when we announce we’re leaving, usually between three and five p.m. every week, she says the EXACT same thing: “Oh, y’all are leavin’ already – you just got here!” Which I’m not sure if that’s just a southern hospitality thing or the fact she thinks three, four and five hours on a Sunday isn’t a sufficient visit. Either way this week I wasn’t havin’ it. I was back on the computer messing around until the fucking oppressive heat gave me a headache. I walked into the living room to give Brian the “let’s get the f out of here” signal and found all three of them ASLEEP. I said loudly, “Babe – get up; we’ve got to go home.” He and his mom snapped awake at the same time and she said her weekly line. To which I replied, “No, actually we DIDN’T just get here; we’ve been here for almost four hours.” She kind of laughed, but afterwards I was thinking holy shit, I can’t believe I actually said that out loud. When they walked us out to the truck (another thing they do to make us stay longer while the truck is running so the a/c can cool off the dog), she said “I love you, Brian…take care, Kee-yim.” Haha! Oops. Brian looked at me like !!! but I told him I’m sure it’s all good. She can’t be mad at me for long; I’m married to her firstborn, the Prodigal Son. Regardless, we need a Sunday off and I’m happy this is the week.

Excuse my excited rambles; I just finished a weeks-long project at work and I literally feel like I have a buzz.




1. crisitunity - August 14, 2009

I always just call it giving head. That’s not such a gorgeous phrase either, but it’s better than blowjob, which as you said makes no sense. Also, it implies that it’s a job, rather than an adventure. About which I have no editorial comment at all right now.

If she says “You just got here” EVERY Sunday, I’m shocked that you’ve restrained yourself from saying “No, actually, we haven’t” until now. Good for you.

Kimmothy - August 14, 2009

Hmm…I like the “adventure” aspect. I might have to think of a whole new name to incorporate that.

Taoist Biker - August 14, 2009

Hah! I just had that old Army (or Navy or whatever) slogan from the 80’s pop into my head. “It’s not just a job! It’s an adventure!! 😀

crisitunity - August 14, 2009

It’s a Navy slogan. Which is why I thought of it. 😀

2. Taoist Biker - August 14, 2009

“Going down” also works, and like “giving head” is gender-neutral. And there’s also the universally-accepted “BJ” acronym. Well, all the gay come-ons in the mens’ room stalls use it, so I’m assuming it’s universal by now.

I know what you mean about the academic year. Come May, I’m COMPLETELY ready for all these kids to be the hell out of my way, but after a long quiet summer I’m somehow glad to see a new crop of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed youngsters trying not to fall asleep during my orientation sessions.

‘cept they DO keep getting younger every year. I swear, I was never that young-looking as a first-year. [Truthfully, I was probably worse.]

Kimmothy - August 14, 2009

Yes, these kids look twelve years old to me!
That’s just not cool.

3. Taoist Biker - August 14, 2009

BTW, does your dear husband know that you started a post entitled “All the Small Things” with a paragraph on sex?!? How rude! 😀

Kimmothy - August 14, 2009

Ha, oops!
If he does know he obviously didn’t notice or I probably would’ve gotten a stern phone call by now and he just emailed me and asked if I wanted to go eat Mexican food tonight, so my guess is no.

4. iamheatherjo - August 16, 2009

I just say “oral” or “going down”, myself. There are SO many words relating to sex that I’m not a fan of. I don’t like the “p” word for female organs and I just really dislike the word HORNY. There. I said it. It just sounds…stupid.

Kimmothy - August 17, 2009

Thank you. I completely agree.

5. LL Cool Joe - August 20, 2009

I like “Going Down” the most. Oops should I rephrase that? 😀

6. Kimmothy - August 21, 2009

It’s the most polite, I think!

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