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Ain’t Too Proud to Beg August 12, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Experience, Friends, Home Life, Marriage, Money, Travel.

This is a blatant cry for help. Okay, or maybe I’m just looking for some ideas.

I’ll try to keep this brief and to the point.

This coming October is our ten year anniversary – whoo! Instead of presents, I’ve been saying for months I’d rather DO something special, take a trip somewhere – and I’ve been heavily hinting about the North Carolina mountains. So far he’s been agreeable, but that’s usually the case during the tentative stages of any plan. Something else to consider is that we already have another trip scheduled: Disney at the end of the month for a few days with my family, the annual reunion thing we do every year. Which I’m also looking very forward to and so is he.

This morning a friend of ours popped online and we chatted for awhile. This is my ex-dude, the one we still socialize with every so often. Every year for the past decade or so, he’s been going to this arts and music festival up in, what do you know, the mountains in North Carolina. It’s called the L.E.A.F (Lake Eden Arts Festival) and he’s been bugging us to go for like, forever. Keep in mind, this is a person I went to a lot of concerts with, including the big Woodstock reunion in 1994 and another music festival in Florida called Livestock. (Yes, Livestock – don’t hate; if it wasn’t for that, I never would have seen fantastic 90’s bands like Every Mother’s Nightmare and Gene Loves Jezebel). He knows I love nothing more than a bunch of hippies getting together to camp, ingest questionable substances and listen to music for days on end. Not to mention this thing is happening exactly WHERE I’d love to be and WHEN I’d love to be there. 

The problem lies in the fact of the Disney trip. I can clearly hear Brian now: “We can afford to do one or the other, but not both and I don’t want to cancel the family trip.” Well, but that’s not a really strong argument because according to what Delorme was saying and in checking the website, this trip would be very affordable. I mean yes, you have to buy tickets, but other than that it’s camping. We already have a tent and camping supplies. Everybody chips in on the food and drink. Delorme also said we could carpool up there to obviously save on gas, etc.

Okay so here’s my strategy. Obviously with these types of things, timing is everything. A lesser experienced female would have already called him at work and excitedly started in with the “Please, please?” thing. Which is never a good idea. It’s a rookie mistake and I’ve made it before. But I’ve learned many things over the years and know a lot more things go my way when I ask for something under the following circumstances:

  • We’re both home from work
  • He’s showered, is refreshed and cooled off
  • He’s been well fed (so glad I remembered to marinate a steak for tonight)
  • He’s relaxed and in nighttime happy mode – and if I have to sacrifice some free time to make sure he’s relaxed as possible, (*Cough – Bjob – cough*) well then I’m more than willing to do so

That’s how I’m going to handle it tonight and I guess we’ll see what happens. But like I said, if you have any additional ideas – I’m sure you’ve convinced your S.O. to do something a time or two – I’d love to hear about it. If only for the amusement factor alone, which is to say you won the debate and got your way.



1. iamheatherjo - August 12, 2009

Yeah, you can’t do the truly persuasive stuff on the phone! Sheesh! Like you said, rookie mistake. I’m not even married (thankgoodnessforsmallfavors) and I know that. 😉

Kimmothy - August 12, 2009

Believe it or not I used to try it. It almost never works!

2. Taoist Biker - August 12, 2009

I wish I could say I had some hints, but I don’t. I suck at marital convincing. It doesn’t help that offering sex is like offering tap water. It’s there whenever she wants it already, suggesting it as a big cherry on top is hardly impressive. 😀

Kimmothy - August 12, 2009

That’s kind of the same problem I have with offering a b-job. I’ve never made it so that it’s a REWARD, just maybe more of a push in the right direction?

3. Laura - August 12, 2009

Spreadsheets are your friend. Whenever I have to convince Calvin that something involving money is a good idea, I put the budget in a spreadsheet. All those columns and numbers freak him out to the point where he merely glances at it, then says, “I don’t care, do whatever you want.”

Kimmothy - August 12, 2009

Oh my God.

4. Swistle - August 12, 2009

I would first figure out exactly how much it WOULD cost—well, or as exact as possible. Not, like, to the NICKEL or anything. And then I would see if there was a “$50 birthday check” anywhere in the budget that could be said to be covering it. This would include things such as putting off something else, or referring to something that had already been put off.

Sometimes I also offer trades. Like, “I’d really like to do this. Is there something you’d really like to do that would make you feel like we both got something we really wanted?” That sounds so dirrrrrty, but generally in our relationship it’s something like then HE gets to buy something he’s been wanting to buy that I’ve been saying is useless.

Kimmothy - August 12, 2009

Actually, there’s already been a $50 “anniversary check” offered by our friend who wants us to go really badly. And I’d planned on using that as some leverage too. But I do very much like the idea of trying to estimate the real cost and also offering something he wants in trade. Thank you!

5. Shari - August 12, 2009

Plus, don’t forget you just saved HUNDREDS last night that you were going to spend on a new computer. I would totally emphasize the 10-year anniversary also. That is a biggie and if you have a way to celebrate in a memorable way that doesn’t cost a huge amount, you almost HAVE to do it. It’s one of those things that you will remember forever. Otherwise, it’s “Great, 10 years, we could be in NC with the fall leaves changing, my favorite time of the year…I am SO glad I married YOU!!!” You gotta reach down deep and pull out some Jewish guilt. It’s your birthright!

Kimmothy - August 13, 2009

This is the same thing that was going on that day we were up there when you guys lived in Asheville and we didn’t go in because of how much it cost just to park for the day. I still wish we would’ve gone in then!

6. suzy2110 - August 13, 2009

Your strategy sounds like a winner!! I have everything crossed for you! Would camping not be very cold in October? This IS coming from someone who lives somewhere where camping would probably not be an option in October, though!

Kimmothy - August 13, 2009

I checked the weather there (of course!) and it looks to be perfect – warming up to 70 during the day and in the 40’s at night. My ideal!!

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