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Baby Steps Re: Babies July 17, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Baby-Making, Friends.

Tomorrow I’m taking a big step toward regaining my mental health. Such as it is.

I’m going to lunch with a good friend I haven’t seen in months. K is who I worked with when we both lived in Florida and by some weird coincidence ended up moving here a year before we did when her husband’s job relocated them. We live about a half hour away from each other and up until recently have gotten together and done something fun about once a month or so. Until I sort of lost my mind a little based on my infertility issues.

She and her husband had started trying to get pregnant during the same time period I was going through all the treatment. And you know what I’m going to say, right? After a couple of months of trying (two? three? does it matter?) they became successful. The tricky part is that she hasn’t officially told me yet; I was told by a mutual friend of ours. Someone who knows my situation well and when I mentioned I had dinner plans with K, reluctantly (and tearfully) told me so I’d be a little prepared when I heard the news from K. And I very much appreciated that, as I know she did it only out of love and concern for me. And I handled it in a very mature and healthy way – begged off from the dinner plans and put her off ever since. Unbelievably pathetic? Yes, I know. Trust me, the therapist had a field day with that one.

It’s not like this is a unique situation for me. Currently she’s one of five, that’s FIVE people I personally know who is with child. And seriously – I don’t even know that many people. And it’s not that I think she and her husband won’t make excellent parents; I know they will. It’s not like it’s a teenage, unplanned, unwanted, out-of-wedlock, druggie, welfare pregnancy. The worst thing I’ve heard her say with regards to it was she was slightly less zealous about trying to get pregnant than the husband. To the point he asked me where the office was Brian got tested because he was interested in going to do the same thing “Just to make sure.” She likes her cocktails and wasn’t looking forward to nine months of teetotaling. The last time we saw each other, she told me she’d been a little irritated at his insistence on her doing post-coital handstands and that every time she mentioned something about her stomach not feeling great, he got excited and practically waved a pee stick in front of her. Hey, I don’t blame the guy, and I’m sure he’s ecstatic right now. He’s going to be a great dad.

And I don’t hold her reservations against her either; I’m sure she’s just as thrilled as he is now and will in turn make a great mom. It was just that it felt like the same old tired story: me – doing anything and everything I could do and nothing. Her – eh, whatever, and BAM.

But, this falls firmly in the Life’s Not Fair category and I feel a little stupid. With all the feelings I just described, I also want to go on record as saying I NEVER want someone to feel bad for getting pregnant while being a friend or family member of mine. Which is another reason I’ve avoided her – God, I do NOT want to be a source of pity or guilt. I feel like a total moron now. I’ve missed her and I’m really looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. When she tells me her news and I exclaim happily, it’s going to be an honest reaction.

I think that’s what’s known as progress.



1. Taoist Biker - July 17, 2009

Sounds good to me!

2. familybalance - July 17, 2009

Thanks for the good message! It’s great that you have figured out your emotions and their reasons. And still able to be happy for your friend. There are tons of kids needing homes…ever think about it?


Kimmothy - July 17, 2009

Yes, as a matter of fact I’m thinking about it a lot.

3. iamheatherjo - July 17, 2009

I’d be pretty dang irritated if someone insisted on a post-coital handstand as well. I’m positive a headstand would be sufficient…and safer for my clumsy ass.


Kimmothy - July 17, 2009

Headstands have always really hurt me; that’s why I’ve perfected the handstand (as long as it’s up against a wall). Either way – yes, it’s very annoying when all you really want to do is either roll over and go to sleep or jump in the shower. Or eat a bowl of ice cream.
Okay, too much information – sorry!

4. Shari - July 17, 2009

I’m glad you had the time to digest the info and now can have a good visit with her. Keep your heart open. You and Brian have a lot of love to give and that never goes unnoticed.

Kim - July 17, 2009


5. morethananelectrician - July 17, 2009

What about a “during coital” headstand?

Kim - July 17, 2009

Okay, I am getting more coordinated these days, but I don’t think I’m THAT good.

Taoist Biker - July 18, 2009

If you could pull it off, that could become another form of income right there. Hello, internet stardom! 😀

6. LL Cool Joe - July 17, 2009

That is a big step, and a good one, but not an easy one.

I really hope the lunch goes well.

I think you have great stength of character. 🙂

Kimmothy - July 18, 2009

Thanks, Joe – I really appreciate that.

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