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The More Things Change July 5, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Friends, Marriage, The Man.

Recently Brian reconnected with a good friend of his he hadn’t seen in almost ten years. I’ll call him Dirk.

I always liked Dirk, regardless that he could (and can) talk the ears off a herd of elephants. He was part of a group of Brian’s more, I guess, wilder friends – the ones who played in the Death Metal band, the ones who dated strippers, the ones who included some questionable substances in their daily diets. You know the type.

He came over the other night and I was glad to see him. His long blond hair was entirely gone, but baldness suits him just as much – Dirk is cute. He’s about an inch shorter than me, but isn’t one of those guys who tries to compensate for being short. When I walked in the door they were already here and he jumped up to give me a big hug. Then he pulled back and said, “Yep! Your tits are as big as ever – thank God!” I said, “And I see you’ve turned into a shy, introverted man in your old age, Dirk.” And then I never got another word in edgewise the entire night.

He told us he’s been engaged twice, to two different girls, but both relationships broke up before a wedding happened, (“Thank fucking God.”). He got laid off in January and hasn’t been able to find another full-time job since then, but has managed, as he put it, to stay living out on his own and not move back in with his parents. I was shocked to hear he’s 36, but then he was shocked to hear I”m 40. He said, “I always knew you’d hold up well.”

I observed him and Brian together. It seems they have that type of friendship where it doesn’t matter how many years you go without seeing the person, things almost pick up exactly where you left off. I love that. I have friends like that. But with them, there are some small, almost undiscernable differences. I don’t think Brian noticed, and Dirk doesn’t shut up long enough to notice much of anything.

But I did. I don’t know – it almost seemed like in the ten years that passed, I could see how Brian has grown a lot. We’ve had so many challenging times – with money, with our marriage, with moving all over the state of Florida. With Dirk it seemed like he was…exactly the same. Still very much a part of the party people. Still talking about the hot girls. When I went to bed they were trying to remember the name of a girl who dated a truck driver who’s now in jail for selling speed.

I don’t know; I guess it bothered me a little. Where would Brian be if we hadn’t gotten together and I “settled him down,” which is the popular opinion amongst his friends. I asked him the next day if he thinks he’d be happier now if he was single-ready-to-mingle like Dirk. He gave me that look, the one he gives me when I’m being a psycho and said, “No, I’m glad I’m married to you.”

And then handed me divorce papers.


But I hope he wasn’t.



1. Whiskeymarie - July 5, 2009

We have friends from 20+ years ago that haven’t changed one iota- like you, I find it somewhat comforting, yet somewhat sad. Hanging out at bars 4-5 nights a week was fine in our early 20’s, but c’mon folks- we’re pushing FORTY now. I’m all for a good time now and then, and I’ve been known to drag out my 20-something self with enough cocktails occasionally, but ONLY once in a while.

God, I’m lucky if I go out once or twice a month these days, which is totally fine with me.

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

I was tired after hanging out with him for one night…AT MY HOUSE! I’m frightened of the inevitable going out to a bar night with him. Hopefully it’ll be on a weekend.

2. LL Cool Joe - July 5, 2009

Nice post Kim. 🙂

Sounds as if Brian is happy to be sharing his life with you. 🙂

The “single-ready-to-mingle” loses it’s appeal as you get older I think. It’s more like “single-sad-alone-ready-to settled-down” I think!

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

And I get the feeling this guy does want to settle down. He needs to broaden his circle of women to include more than just strippers I think.

3. iamheatherjo - July 5, 2009

“single-sad-alone-ready-to settled-down”

Yeah, that’s totally me. 😉

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

Oh sure!

4. crisitunity - July 6, 2009

I’m definitely feelin’ this post. Since I’m 27, if I say anything else I will sound like a pompous ass.

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

We don’t age-discriminate around these parts!

5. Taoist Biker - July 6, 2009

I dunno. I say sooner or later you’ve gotta quit being a boy and be a man. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. (And it sure shouldn’t mean you have to quit having fun.)

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

This is so true.

6. morethananelectrician - July 6, 2009

Broaden his circle to more than just strippers?

Is this guy a plumber?

iamheatherjo - July 6, 2009

Sounds like a musician, to me. 😀

Kimmothy - July 6, 2009

Actually he’s done different things in construction, mostly stucco and drywall.
But yes, of course he’s a musician too!!!

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