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Of Fertility and Beyond June 25, 2009

Posted by Kimmothy in Baby-Making, Experience, The Man.
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So I’m back from the fertility consultation. We spent an hour going over what’s been done over the past six months, possible reasons for why things didn’t work and what our future options are. Dr. Babymaker was very thorough and patient and answered all of our questions, but we didn’t even make it completely outside of the office before I started crying. I wasn’t surprised; it’s been building for awhile. The entire year so far has felt like a roller coaster ride, but not a smooth and fun one like Space Mountain; more like an old rickety wooden one where you hear scary creaking noises as you go up and down and are never sure when something might break, sending you flying off into space. Not a great analogy, but it’s all I got right now.

What it boils down to at this point with the three failed IUI attempts, is that our best bet financially and percentage-wise is IVF. When people say “You can always adopt,” they might not realize it’s actually twice as expensive as the typical IVF cycle. I didn’t realize it until today. In fact, the more the doctor cleared up all of my questions, the more hopeless I started becoming. Bascially where we’re at now is realizing my worst fear when we started this. The unsuccessful treatments due to “unexplained fertility.” He went over what some of the possible causes could be, but there is no solid answer. That and the fact that we’ve spent thousands of dollars of both ours and George’s money and for us to consider IVF would be another $10,000 plus, I’m amazed I held my shit together as long as I did.

So we walked outside and stood under a tree by Brian’s truck. I had the tears and snot happening, but no loud sobbing or hysterics. I started to complain about the doctor with no real reason except that I’m not pregnant. Brian stopped me and started talking. He said he understands I’m disappointed right now and that he is as well. But that no matter what happens, we have a life together and he loves it. And me. That I need to stop trying to place blame on things – myself, God, all the other women in the world who are currently pregnant or have had kids. (How’d he know that?) That all we can do is keep on trying and trust God that it’s going to work out either way. Immediately, I thought of something I’d just read earlier this morning
Excellent timing, I must say.

I think Brian said more about this today than he’s said all along; we were out there talking under that tree for a good thirty minutes. I still cried, but he does this great thing where he can usually make me laugh while I’m crying and he did that. I told him that if there’s anything positive to come out of this so far is that I’ve realized all over again how lucky I am to have him for my husband. That I could be married to the Governor right now and that would really suck. (I like making him laugh during heavy conversations too). Then we talked about whether or not we should bring the dog over with us on the tiling job tonight, how he’s down to only two good pairs of jeans so he needs to do laundry tonight and how maybe this weekend we’ll get him some new pairs. Then we kissed and hugged a lot and went our separate ways back to work.

I go see the therapist in a little while (how convenient these appointments both fell on the same day), but I don’t think there are going to be any big revelations today. If she asks how I’m feeling I’ll tell her the truth: unlucky. And very lucky. I should probably leave out the fact that Brian’s totally getting a blow job tonight, but knowing me, I’ll say it anyway. That’s what she gets paid the big bucks for, right?

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Comments»

1. Taoist Biker - June 25, 2009

It sucks that you got such shitty news. But it is totally cool that Brian was able to pull everything together and give you the reassurance that he did. I’d praise him more, but from the sound of it he’s plenty taken care of.

I’m glad anything I had to say helped in some small way.

And I truly LOL’ed at “At least I’m not married to the Governor.” 😀

2. crisitunity - June 25, 2009

Oh, Kim. I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say.

Both of us have to put a lot of trust in that fickle universe right now.

3. iamheatherjo - June 25, 2009

>all we can do is keep on trying

>>Brian’s totally getting a blow job tonight

Make up your mind!

Or the bj has to totally be utilized for foreplay. 😉

All kidding aside, you know I’m thinking of both of you. Which is a little disturbing after the previous images the stuff above put into my cartoon mind. Damn you, Kee-Yim!

4. Laura - June 25, 2009

I’ve been wondering what’s been going on, since you haven’t posted about it in a while. I’m so sorry, sweetie. Love you tons!

Kimmothy - June 25, 2009

Thank you; I actually feel more positive about this and life in general now than I have in months.

5. huladog - June 25, 2009

So sorry Kim. I’m glad Brian said all he said especially about you two having each other, and enjoying being with each other and living your life. To be that connected, still, is way ahead in the game. If I win the LOTTO this week, which I think I might, you are definitely on my LOTTO list.

Kimmothy - June 25, 2009

That would be unbelievable wouldn’t it? I hate that everything in life still boils down to freaking money, no matter what. Except for love, of course, so I’m concentrating on being rich with that, since I don’t have the other kind of rich!


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