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Rich is the new poor September 23, 2008

Posted by Kimmothy in Money.
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I’m sure you may have heard about the skirmish on Wall Street last week, and you were probably just like me – listened to a news blip, thought “Oh shit, that sounds bad,” and went on your merry way. Well, ignorance is bliss but since I’m married to a newsaholic, I learned more about it last night and wish I hadn’t. Did you know, and this was said by a noted financial expert, we were about five trades away from the entire stock market collapsing? 1929 anyone? Yeah. Most people don’t know that, and that’s probably for the best, since otherwise there would’ve been mass panic and stupid shit happens when people panic.

Without getting into a boring discussion about economics, let me just put it this way. There is a very good chance we’re about to find out what it was like living during the Great Depression. I for one, have always loved dresses and hairstyles from back then, but that doesn’t mean I’d like to start bartering for sugar rations, you know? (Which I would totally do, since there’s no way in hell I’m drinking coffee with Splenda or Equal and Sweet ‘n Low can go straight to the deepest bowels of hell).

Brian and I were watching all this unfold last night and just shaking our heads in disgust. Until we realized something. We’ve ALWAYS been poor! We have no investments, no property and hardly any savings at all! This crisis won’t even affect us – we will live EXACTLY THE SAME as we are living now! Oh my God, did we get a good guffaw over that one. We’ll have to sacrifice going on vacations, going out to eat, buying new high-end appliances and electronics and late model cars? DONE, baby! All taken care of! I’m ready, Recession – bring it on!

Who knew we had the perfect plan in place all along, and that is to have no plan at all.

I think now’s a good time to tell you about my new seminar. It will be held every week and will be free (of course) to the public. It’s called: How To Survive Until the End of the Month When All Your Money Runs Out on the 16th. The course will include many useful tips, including:

Rice: Versatile and Filling
Yes! Ramen Noodles Really Still Are Five for A Dollar!
Repurposing Toilet Paper for Coffee Filters: Not as Gross as it Sounds
Turn off the A/C and Coast Down Hills: Saving Gas in 10 Easy Steps
Breaking Your Habit of Name Brand Cereal
Your Dog Doesn’t Know the Difference Between Science Diet and Ol Roy

So you see, I have a wealth (pun intended) of knowledge on the subject. If the economy’s got you down or worried, come see Dr. Kim – I gots my PhD in Ghetto and I’m ready to use it! (Monetary donations are happily accepted)

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